The b-b-b-Bbox Bouygues Telecom boys need to work the body.
The only Professional Continental team with a hip hop stutter presented their squad in Paris and sadly it was the usual dull fare. Guys in identical jerseys standing around while a man in a suit points at their bikes.
Money is tight everywhere b-b-boys but this is Paris and you’re the break beat crew, the b-boys of the peloton. Where was the spectacle, the panache, that je ne sais quoi? The most critical oversight team manager Jean-René Bernaudeau must address immediately is the lack of a human beat box.
Anyone with a passing knowledge of hip hop history knows about Doug E. Fresh, Biz Markie and the Fat Boys. Beatboxing is vocal percussion, producing all the drum beats, rhythms and musical sounds using nothing your own vocal cords and creative skills.
The Bbox boys should have a human beat box on hand for all events and races. Imagine the launch in Paris with Under Kontrol, France’s entry in the World Beatbox Championships, working the crowd while six b-b-Bbox babes gyrate. That’s a party on wheels. (Jean-Rene, get yourself up to speed with this amazing documentary.)
Pierrick Fédrigo and Thomas Voeckler, both 2009 Tour de France stage winners, need to get busy and make their voices heard. A human beat box for all time-trial warm-ups. “We’re the b-Box boys from Bouygues Telecom, gonna whip your ass like a leather-clad dom, you be fightin’ with sticks while we drop the A-bomb.” Something like that, right? Embrace the beat and Paris falls to its knees before you.
Yo, what can we say? A missed opportunity for the b-Box Stutter Crew.