Armstrong suffering from post-time trial depression. Cheer up, dude.

Lance blue.

Lance is feeling blue.

Fresh off his disappointing 7th place in the Murcia time trial, Lance Armstrong, seven time Tour de France winner and master of the universe, admitted to Spanish newspaper El Pais that beating Contador is unlikely.

“It would be very difficult. I’m 38, Alberto is 27 and he’s improving every year. I know it, people know it, Alberto knows it,” said Armstrong.

Buck up, Lance. It’s a long way to go to July and France and Le Tour and runny cheese and anything can happen. Here are just a few possible scenarios to brighten your mood and put the bounce back in your cleats.

Alberto Contador could die. Sure, lightening bolt, bad whopping cough, speed boat crash, pitbull accident, falling piano or poisoned Sangria. These things happen.

(ed note: moments after posting this, Contador crashed hard in Paris-Nice injuring his leg.)

Team Astana could be destroyed, caught up in a sudden war in Kazakhstan in the volatile, oil-rich country. You just never know. Russia gets ticked off or a junior member of the Kazak Cycling Federation insults China and boom, country flattened.

Don’t forget the Vinokourov factor. The man is a loose cannon that could blow anytime taking down Contador. There would be insurrection on the road. disloyalty, stealing Alberto’s wheels, double sheeting his bed, slipping a cobra in his feed bag. Vino is evil, Lance. The man is capable of anything and it’s all to your benefit. In fact, start pumping up Vino as the real leader of Astana and watch the fireworks explode.

Lance, buddy, you’re feeling old and tired and lacking in strength and aggression at the advanced age of 38 while that spry Contador is already in killer shape and getting even faster. Nothing is inconceivable — the age gap could actually reverse. El Pistelero could contract an adult version of the Rapid Aging Disease called progeria. By the time the Tour starts in July you’ll be almost 39 but Contador will be 73 and in a wheelchair. Life is strange and unexpected, Boss.

So cheer up man. Have a Shiner Bock or a Michelob Ultra (if the sponsor is watching) and then get back to the damn work. You beat the Big C and now it’s time to beat the Other Big C. Nuff said.

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  • Mike

    Dear Mr Walsh

    Mr Armstrong was almost blocked entry into our lovely country (South Africa) yesterday.

    He is here to participate (but not compete) in the “Fun ride world champs” also known as the Cape Argus cycle tour which is the largest timed cycling event in the world. Google it.

    Anyway maybe Lance has come to ride against 35 000 South African fun riders to give his ego a little pick me up following the Murcia TT defeat? See there was a point to this post.

    Oh yeah glad to see the RSS feed is working again.