Light bondage and cruiser bikes. Johnny very Loco.

The cruiser bike style.

First, know the ropes.

Johnny Loco is a company based in Barcelona and the Netherlands that makes luxury fashion statement cruiser and cargo bikes for beautiful people. The ones who hang out in cafes looking fabulous and un-marked by life. It’s Dutch bike as fashion statement, selling a lifestyle of euro-cool and beauty devoid of any pressing financial or philosophical concerns. They’re also beautifully photographed by Rene Kramers.

And we love them for this high style tackyness because the world needs more models in black lingerie posing in a tall field of cane or wearing a short pink dress and heels in the desert sand dunes or, our personal favorite, a woman artfully bondage roped to a tree along with her bike.

In the United States we’re not allowed this kind of artsy sexual nonsense. Not enough product benefits, not enough hard sell. And so we suffer along without the bondage photos or even a glimpse of Latex Kitty in her rain gear. If we want unabashed sleaze and unapoligetic sex, we have to go to Mexico.

Too tied up to ride? Really?

Who doesn’t want to buy a cruiser bike after seeing a model in tight shorts about to poke a beehive with a sharp stick? Because we’d argue that communicates several essential product details. Once a few hundred bees attack her, that bike better be lightweight and designed for high speed travel.

Naturally, the loosely roped women and her equally roped bike standing out on some South African velde tells a compelling sales story. First, she’s so super fit from riding her snazzy Johnny Loco that she can quickly untie the rope with little trouble, extricate her bike and rush off before the wandering Dom can discipline her. That’s the way you rack up the bike sales, baby.

Go Johnny Loco, go. We embrace your call to “explore” as long as we can bring one or several of these fit, exquisitely under-dressed women along for a cruise along the Amsterdam-ish canals of Northern California. Life is preposterous art and nonsensical obfuscation. Ole or words to that effect.

Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email
  • Brad

    By the looks of things, they spent more on the photo shoot than they did on product design. These bikes are junk.

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com TwistedSpoke

      Brad, junk bikes, hot women in provocative poses–admit that's a tough call. Matt