David Walsh and the Sunday Times pulled a bold and brilliant move by taking out an ad in the Chicago Tribune newspaper listening 10 questions for Lance Armstrong. They did everything they could to make sure Oprah Winfrey asks a few penetrating questions instead of simply giving Lance a soft shoulder to cry on.
Well, Twisted Spoke would like to follow-up, taking questions 11 through 25. Walsh may have missed a few things that passionate cycling fans who’ve followed this tragic-comedy are dying to know:
11 What kind of bribes did you offer Federal Attorney Andre Birotte Jr to close the two year Federal investigation?
12 Who was hotter in the sack — country western singer Sheryl Crow or actress Kate Hudson?
13 Did you really rat out former teammate and dangerous Tour rival Tyler Hamilton to the UCI?
14 Did you honestly believe you could keep the most sophisticated doping program in sports a secret forever and enforce everyone’s silence to the very end?
15 After you and ghost writer Sally Jenkins did the follow-up book, Every Second Counts, did you ever think, wow, this Sally is pretty gullible?
16 Was Juan Pelota also doping or was your alter ego free from drugs — and if so, did Pelota ever counsel you to change your evil ways?
17 Did you really like having comedian Robin Williams in the team bus? Ben Stiller is funny but Williams is certifiably insane and never shuts up — even micro doses are too much.
18: Did you ever consider “planting” some dope on Alberto Contador to submarine his Tour de France chances when you were both on Astana and fighting for team leadership?
19: How come you never tried to physically intimate George Hincapie in a bar when it became obvious Big George was about to squeal to the Feds? Was the 5’8″ Hamilton just easier to intimate than the 6’3″ Hincapie?
20: At what exact moment did you know the game was up and the Legend destroyed — and what did you do in that moment?
21: What did you tell your kids these last three months when it was obvious that everyone else in the world knew you had doped.
22: What is the total amount you’ve spent on lawyers in the last fifteen years?
23: Knowing Americans can be pretty forgiving and have short memories, why didn’t you take the high road and simply admit to doping when it would have been far easier to frame the discussion?
24: How many times have you wished Frankie Andreu had married Oakley rep and loyal liar Stephanie McIlvain instead of that ethics freak Betsy?
25: How berserk do you get when you read the words “Greg Lemond, only American to win the Tour de France?”
How many will be thrown out in front of the team bus by Juan’s couch-side confessional? This could prove real interesting for the Tygart, especially if a deal for more info on the rest of the rats trying to scurry away unscathed is in the works! Lots of peeps in the know are very nervous right now!
It’s bittersweet, more sweet than bitter, bitter than sweet
It’s a bitter sweet, surrender.
Todd Mohr
Super, Johan is sitting on a pile of red hot coals. And so is McQuaid and Verbruggen. Love to see them scared shitless. Matt
I would watch the pitiful confession only if question #25 is asked.
Jorge, just 25, a little appetizer? Lets go for the whole enchilada. Matt
What about asking:
How much pressure did you put on Trek to drop the LeMond brand?
Yup, good question. After all this time and with the endless twists and turns of this saga, there are thousands of questions he needs to answer. Matt
Actually, what would be really cool would be for Lance to do the whole Roy Batty soliloquy from the end of Blade Runner…
“Ive seen things you people wouldnt believe….”
A great speech — “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. I’ve seen eight US Postal riders fly up the Alps as if lifted by wings. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to confess.” Matt