David Walsh and the Sunday Times pulled a bold and brilliant move by taking out an ad in the Chicago Tribune newspaper listening 10 questions for Lance Armstrong. They did everything they could to make sure Oprah Winfrey asks a few penetrating questions instead of simply giving Lance a soft shoulder to cry on.
Well, Twisted Spoke would like to follow-up, taking questions 11 through 25. Walsh may have missed a few things that passionate cycling fans who’ve followed this tragic-comedy are dying to know:
11 What kind of bribes did you offer Federal Attorney Andre Birotte Jr to close the two year Federal investigation?
12 Who was hotter in the sack — country western singer Sheryl Crow or actress Kate Hudson?
13 Did you really rat out former teammate and dangerous Tour rival Tyler Hamilton to the UCI?
14 Did you honestly believe you could keep the most sophisticated doping program in sports a secret forever and enforce everyone’s silence to the very end?
15 After you and ghost writer Sally Jenkins did the follow-up book, Every Second Counts, did you ever think, wow, this Sally is pretty gullible?
16 Was Juan Pelota also doping or was your alter ego free from drugs — and if so, did Pelota ever counsel you to change your evil ways?
17 Did you really like having comedian Robin Williams in the team bus? Ben Stiller is funny but Williams is certifiably insane and never shuts up — even micro doses are too much.
18: Did you ever consider “planting” some dope on Alberto Contador to submarine his Tour de France chances when you were both on Astana and fighting for team leadership?
19: How come you never tried to physically intimate George Hincapie in a bar when it became obvious Big George was about to squeal to the Feds? Was the 5’8″ Hamilton just easier to intimate than the 6’3″ Hincapie?
20: At what exact moment did you know the game was up and the Legend destroyed — and what did you do in that moment?
21: What did you tell your kids these last three months when it was obvious that everyone else in the world knew you had doped.
22: What is the total amount you’ve spent on lawyers in the last fifteen years?
23: Knowing Americans can be pretty forgiving and have short memories, why didn’t you take the high road and simply admit to doping when it would have been far easier to frame the discussion?
24: How many times have you wished Frankie Andreu had married Oakley rep and loyal liar Stephanie McIlvain instead of that ethics freak Betsy?
25: How berserk do you get when you read the words “Greg Lemond, only American to win the Tour de France?”