How would you like to be one of the four Spanish judges in charge of deciding Alberto Contador’s fate with the entire cycling world breathing down your back? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Already putting the Spanish Cycling Federation on notice is president Patrick “hot air” McQuaid and the UCI. ‘If we aren’t happy with the Spaniard’s decision then we will consult with the World Anti-Doping Agency and go to the Court of Arbitration for Sport,” McQuaid said. ”It must quite clearly be a fair result.”
Then WADA, the World Anti-Doping Agency warned the judges that if WADA doesn’t like the judges ruling, they’re keeping the pressure on. “The only thing I can say is that no matter what the Spanish Federation decides on Contador, WADA can always appeal to CAS,” WADA lawyer Julien Sieveking told Spanish newspaper EL Pais.
Dumping on more pressure, Spanish beef producers are looking into legal action in response to Contador’s contaminated meat explanation. The judges have the UCI and WADA firing shots and one wrong legal decision also means no beef steaks for a year.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg as additional forces stack up to prevent a re-run of the Alejandro Valverde fiasco. A four year embarrassment brought on by the Spanish Federation’s unwillingness to prosecute favorite son Valverde. This time around, everybody is watching and the brass knuckles are on.
Also expected to apply pressure on the Spanish judges:
United Nations president Joseph Deiss. The top man at the peace keeping organization threatens legal action if “those Spanish bozos” don’t get their act together.
Chinese President Hu Jintao plans a major speech next week decrying the “imperialistic and discriminatory practices” of the Spanish judges. Subtext: if Contador goes free, Hu Jintao wants Li Fuyu’s two year ban for traces of clenbuterol rescinded immediately.
The Spanish National Rifle association is sending a strongly worded letter to the Spanish judges in support of El Pistolero. Actually, it’s a death threat.
The Dalai Lama has asked for an audience with the four judges. He will lead them thru a guided meditation in hopes of a speedy and loving resolution. Uh, yeah, take a deep breath.
The Association of Retired Spanish Folks (ARSF) are organizing a protest against Contador and his threat to retire if suspended. “He is only 27. It’s an insult to anyone who’s worked until 65 before retiring,” said Miguel Siesta of the ARSF.
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il hates to be left out of any international conflict. Expect the supreme leader with the bad haircut to lobby for maximum punishment. “Contador must be destroyed because I said so,” said the always wrong Jong.
Twisted Spoke wishes those four Spanish judges the best of luck. The world is watching, senors.