Kittel. Not immune.
Should star sprinter Marcel Kittel switch teams to Etixx-Quickstep, the first order of business for the Belgian squad will not be to getting him a new kit but a fresh immune system.
Team manager Patrick Lefevere better assemble a top notch group of medical personnel to take care of Kittel. They’ll need an immunologist, infection diseases expert, lung specialist, nutritionist guru and why not, maybe a faith healer. Maybe they can get some advice from Chris Froome’s witch doctor Kibiwott Njenga.
Kittle didn’t crash himself out of the entire 2015 season like Mark Cavendish — no, he crashed his immune systemat the Tour Down Under way back in January and every race after. His season is nothing but did not start or did not finish. The grand pathetic total: 33 days of racing. Not exactly payback for a massive salary at Giant-Alpecin.
Look at the German’s accomplishments from a year ago and then compare them to 2015. Last season he racked up two stages in the Giro, four in the Tour de France, two in the Tour of Britain and three in the Dubai Tour.
What’s empty vacuum in German? This year he’s got a stage in the Tour of Poland. If Oleg Tinkof was his boss, the Russian would tear up this contract and throw him out on the street.
It’s fortunate that Etixx is a sports supplement company because Kittel is going to need all the supplements he can swallow. Here’s our Etixx shopping list and we suggest boxing it up and sending it overnight to Kittel:
12 boxes Defender with Echinacea to build immune system
12 boxes Ribes with copper to aid immune system function
12 cannisters raspberry kiwi Recovery Shake
24 boxes Amino Acids for muscle recovery
Will Kittel return to 100% for the 2016 season or is his immune system still in a perilous state of weakness? Does he just need some good Belgian beer?
Hard to say but we hope Lefevere had a few medical specialists check Kittel over. The German is faster than the departed Cavendish but only when he’s healthy.