Yates exits Sky. Was he pushed?

Yates out. Why out?

Shortly after the Team Sky “zero doping tolerance” discussion between director sportif Sean Yates, team manager David Brailsford and psychologist Steve Peterson, a statement was released stating that Yates had resigned.

However, all parties insisted his leaving had nothing to do with Yates’ connection to Lance Armstrong and the 2005 Discovery squad.

Twisted Spoke can’t help but imagine what that conversation must have sounded like. Well, it might have sounded something like this…

Brailsford: Sean, we appreciate your honesty.

Peterson: We really do.

Yates: Yeah, well, long time ago, right?

Brailsford: You’re awfully pale.

Peterson: You look sick Sean. I mean, we’ve noted that the last few weeks.

Yates: No, I’m fine.

Brailsford: You’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress.

Peterson: From a psychological standpoint, there’s no doubt you’re suffering.

Yates: Guys, there’s nothing wrong with me. We finished here?

Brailsford: I don’t think you’re hearing Steve. You’re a very sick man, Sean. And what’s right for the team is that we acknowledge that sickness.

Peterson: It’s the best thing for everybody.

Brailsford: Cycling is going through a very challenging time. Sky is going through a challenging time.

Peterson: It’s best that we all start feeling better as quickly as possible, right?

Brailsford: This zero tolerance thing has us in some difficulty. We can’t be seen as just firing person after person.

Peterson: Bad PR.

Yates: You guys aren’t making no f**king sense.

Brailsford: We’re not firing you, Sean.

Yates: Well, that’s a load off. We did just win the Tour.

Brailsford: You’re resigning.

Peterson: Looks better all around.

Yates: You’re kidding right?

Brailsford: You’re sick, you’re under stress, all the travel, you miss the family.

Peterson: Everyone would understand that.

Brailsford: High road, Sean, won the Tour, now time for new challenges. Our heartfelt thanks.

Yates: Bollocks.

Peterson: You leave clean, we’re clean, everybody looks good.

Yates: You stupid little shit. (YATES REACHES ACROSS THE DESK, ATTEMPTS TO PUNCH TEAM PSYCHOLOGIST

Peterson: You see, that’s what we mean. You’re over-wrought. It’s been a brilliant year but its taken a toll. Let’s do this right.

Brailsford: Sean, we need you to take one for the team.

Yates: Nothing wrong with my health until I sat down in a room with you two f**cks.

Brailsford: Okay, let’s all just calm down.

Yates: I’m keeping the damn Jaguar.

Peterson: We’ve prepared a statement for you — for the media. HOLDS OUT SHEET OF PAPER

YATES PRETENDS TO REACH FOR PAPER BUT INSTEAD PUNCHES PETERSON IN FACE.

Yates: You don’t look so good, Stevie. How ’bout you Dave — how’s your health? Like me to check you over?

Brailsford: I’m disappointed Sean. I thought we could come to an agreement.

Yates: I agree … you’re a prick.

YATES WALKS OUT

Brailsford: SHOUTING You’re sick, Sean, remember, health and family….

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  • bumpermeat

    Ouch! Thanks for the Monday morning laughs. Your sarcasm is in high form lately! Much appreciated.

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com walshworld

      So many targets, so little time. This is a golden few months for cycling satire. We may never reach these heights again. Matt