Spanish Cycling Federation ready for Contador case.

Castano: Impartial yet wants happy ending for Contador. Hmm....

Forget what that Norwegian Cycling Federation guy says.

“I think that when four riders were caught for doping during the world championships, Spain should have packed up and gone home,” Harald Tiedemann Hansen told ProCycling.no. “It is time that they clean up their ranks.”

Harry isn’t Spanish and doesn’t understand how you handle a doping investigation of Alberto Contador, a national hero and close friend.

Sure, Harry was a little worked up, angry and frustrated by all these Spanish doping cases. Yes, he got kinda hot under the collar, saying inflammatory things like Spain has “not shown willingness to clean up their own ranks. I do not have much confidence in their work. They are ruining the rest of us.”

Not to worry, Harry. The Spanish Cycling Federation takes the Contador case very seriously. In fact, they’ve already mapped out their entire strategy and we just received an advance copy. Here’s the way the program breaks out.

Claim never got paperwork from UCI: One month.

Trouble getting decent English to Spanish translation: two months.

Lose UCI paper work, ask for second set of documents: one month.

Blast UCI president McQuaid as “vindictive and incompetent: one week.

Pretend investigation: six months.

Cycling Federation vacation: one month.

Ask Operacion Puerto doping doctor Fuentes for his opinions on the legality of WADA tests: two weeks.

Find any Spanish lab scientists willing to dispute testing results and protocols: two months.

Steak dinner at Alejandro Valverde’s house. After dinner drinks at Ezequiel Mosquera’s place.

Shelve investigation due to “lack of staff” and general disinterest: three weeks.

Reluctantly reopen investigation but lose paperwork again in interim: one month.

Organizational siesta: one week.

Barbecue in Pinto with Contador and family: one weekend.

Prep for firestorm of condemnation: two weeks.

Reach verdict on inconclusive and insufficient evidence. Rule that Contador is free to race: 3o minutes.

Declare Alberto’s birthday a national holiday: five minutes.

Burn court storage room holding all Contador files to the ground: one dark night.

Mock apologies to UCI and WADA for lost evidence: one week.

Now, is that a detailed plan or not? Does this not prove that Norwegian guy was wrong when he said ”The Spanish federation has shown weakness in a number of doping cases. They have not repudiated it.”

We sure think so because it’s obvious the Spanish Cycling Federation is 100% committed. Just like they were for Alejandro Valverde.

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  • Ed R

    Matt,

    You just happened to receive an "advanced" copy of the Spanish Cycling Federations detailed plans on how they will handle the Contador Steakgate affair. Rumor has it that the Spanish Authorities are working on a worldwide arrest warrant to get back at you for revealing their plans. They say that you conspired with Floyd, Arnie Baker and their hacker buddie(s) to obtain this previously secret Spanish plan. If I were you I would not plan on going to the Vuelta next year.

    • Ed, thanks for the warning. I was at a Spanish tapas place last night and felt they put something funny in my sangria. Then I was folowed back to my hotel. I'm conrcerned and have asked Mr. Novitzky for protection. Matt

      • Ed R

        Matt,

        Better still you can go into hiding into hiding with Floyd up in Idyllwild, California. You can never know when Novitzky will turn on you. Ed

      • He's tall, I'm tall. We have a special understanding. Matt

  • RideLikeaGirl1

    Thanks for publishing their detailed plans. This is a relief. I was so worried that the Spaniards were not going to take this seriously when they said "hoping for a good outcome."

    • Ridegirl, I will make it my job to the the watchdog on this. I have a mole inside the Spanish Cycling Federation. Count on me, I won't let you down. Matt

  • denis Brown

    Matt,
    I thought the TDF was run in France, under the control of the UCI, and asleep at the handlebars Pat.
    How come a positive in France got duck shoved to to the lax Spanish authorities.
    Would they be a bit soft?
    Keep up the good work.
    Denis.

    • Denis, thanks for the note. We're working like freakin' mad for an innovation firm called IDEO and barely have time to breathe let alone check facts. Matt