Madiot suffering existential pain over lazy French riders.

Madiot. The pain of being French.

Marc, we feel zee pain you feel in zee heart.

Yes, it is perhaps vrai, true, these thing you have said about zee frenchman who race le velo. You did not quote Voltaire or Balzac or de Maupassant and yet there is pas de question you have spoken what le monde is thinking.

“I told my riders, and I want to tell French riders as a whole: have some pride! French riders are of international level and not only at the Tour de France. They need to stop hanging their heads.”

Yes, zee head, low, heavy in zeer Giros and Lazers. It is not so bad as when zee German Panzers rolled thru France and zee French soldats said bye-bye but still … it is not so good.

Zat clown UCI president McQuaid, he has even told L’Equipe zat zee French riders are “lazy” and the French teams “conservative. So maybe he had a few glasses of red wine and said these things, not in the stylish and poetic way zee French would, but in that angry Irish way. Qui sait?

“Lazy” — it is a painful wound, like a loss of camembert or a Parisian woman who does not smell good or a French waiter who is fast and friendly. Unexpected, bizarre, a kind of earthquake one does not expect.

“That hurt me,” said Madiot. Yes, it is a sporting pain and an existential one. We must talk to Malraux, Andre Gide, Albert Camus but sadly they are mort, dead, and we cannot smoke our cigarettes and drink our cafe au latte and ask these fundamental questions. We must ride in zee darkness, in a tunnel of doubt and apprehension without a scarf.

We must have zee pride, le get-up-and-go, un petit du style Armstrong. We must bring Bernard Hinault back to train zee laziness out of zee rider. He will strike them with old Breton farm tools, punch them in zee poitrine, kick zeem in zee balls.

Yes, it is true zat zee French are not zee Spanish who ‘ave zee syringes and zee blood bag and thoze doctors with get arrested again and again but never go to le penitentiary. We do not have zee investigations with the fancy names like Puerto and Grial. Such is our tristess and our honor.

Monsieur Madiot, we must light zee bonfire under the soft buttocks of zee French riders. Who has zee match?

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  • Jorge

    The french are coming over to take away your french language diploma that you so proudly display in your living room.

    • I keep it by my bedside with my worn copy of 500 French verbs. Matt