Jan Ulrich on Oprah? Can he finally beat Armstrong?

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Ratings will no doubt be lower here in the United States but the question remains: should Oprah invite Armstrong rival Jan Ullrich to spill his doped up guts on TV? Is the German ready to “met his moment?”

Jan says he isn’t interested but really, that just means he’s thinking about how high to set the price tag and when to do the show.

While Ullrich may not be the same star quality draw as the Boss, Juan Pelota, the former winner of seven consecutive Tours de France, he still has his charm.

So far Jan is taking the old school European keep-my-mouth-shut routine, hoping that things will slowly and inevitably die out, like a bonfire that goes to the last ember. Man, he needs to wake up. The fire-ember thing just makes bad TV and why not accelerate the forgiveness, understanding and love?

Twisted Spoke thinks that Jan has finally found the one competition where he can destroy Armstrong. My stonewall is better that your pathetic, talk show disaster. We’re thinking Ullrich got a kick out of watching the invincible Armstrong prostitute himself on national TV, forced to do all the things he is terrible at: humility, honesty and emotional connection.

Jan, you can nail this.

Jan is thinking, well, I had trouble controlling my pastry problem but at least I didn’t end up as a laughingstock before the entire world. And hey, he’s right. Three different public opinion surveys show that Lance came out of the show with far less sympathy than he had pre-Oprah.

So maybe he’s right to keep his yap shut and take the high silent road. But there is no silent road or in his case a silent autobahn. That’s just the shit-parameters of pop culture. No getting around that.

We see the far more sensitive nice boy Jan Ullrich telling his story to Oprah. She will find him a far better, more emotional, more revealing subject than the Boss, the control freak that is still mad-grasping at the final emaciated straw.

Jan has the potential to really dish, actually let loose, cry, blubber, emote, bare soul, show human frailty, crack open. All the things that the Boss just simply could not do because those acts are antithetical to his core personality.

No, Jan could be golden. Image the overweight Oprah, having fought so many diet battles and tried so many crazy low calorie plans commiserating with Jan over eating issues. The female audience for that kind of sharing is huge. On that subject alone, Jan outscores Lance by a factor of ten.

Then Jan could garner further sympathy with his sad tales of abused and lost youth as a slice of meat in the East German sports machine. Lost childhood, manipulated youth, tears galore. What American TV audience isn’t going to say, wow, this poor Jan, we sure wish he had won the now disgraced seven Tour titles?

Then Jan, being the sensitive and empathetic man that he is, can play the sad underdog card. How it hurt to be beaten again and again by the nastier, more egotistical Lance Armstrong. Hey, Jan is just another version for Emma O’Reilly and Betsy Andreu. There are tears to be poured out and heartfelt moments to be retailed on TV. Oprah can work with that — she is used to that touchy-feeling crapola.

Jan, give this Oprah thing a second thought. This is your one and only chance to come to the United States and kick Lance Armstrong’s ass. He who laughs last laughs best. Even on a “jour sans” you’re still going to deliver a more sympathetic story for Oprah than the ex-Boss.

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