We’re just over a month away from election day for the next president of the United States of America. Crazy man candidate Donald Trump has made his pronouncements on Muslims, Mexicans, African Americans and women.
However, until today, he hadn’t made any of his racist, insensitive, uninformed comments about another minority in the world: pro cyclists. Nor has he weighed in with his opinions on pro cycling in general.
Sadly, The Donald rectified this oversight in a series of tweets he published at 5am Friday.
Here is a selection of his anti-pro cycling remarks:
“Who’s that Colombian guy Quintana. Sure is short. Should be a jockey. Does he speak English? Going guess he doesn’t speak English. Lame.”
“I like that Froome. He’s a winner like me. But his wife isn’t as pretty as Melania. Not by a long-shot. Not Miss Universe material.”
“Contador? Loser. Falls off his bike a lot. I’m 70 and I never fall off a bike. Even Crooked Hillary could go faster up a hill. Sad.”
“You have to like a guy called Spartacus. What? He’s retiring? Hey, he can be in my cabinet — secretary of defense. Most of those generals are stupid anyway. Spartacus, that is gonna make ISIS scared.”
“Don’t know about that new team from Bahrain. Are they ISIS? Might have to nuk them. Kidding. No, not kidding. I have good instincts, people.”
“I like Katyusha. Strong team from Russia, strong leadership. Like my good friend Vladimir Putin. Can any of those riders hack computer files? Sure like to get some more stuff on crooked Hillary.”
“Sky, they’re winners, I like winners. Invited Brailsford to my hotel at Mar a Lago in Palm Beach. Great buffet, best buffet in the world. Skinny Froome, even he’d want that buffet.”
“I’ll tell you, I look at Tejay van Garderen. He doesn’t have stamina, he doesn’t look presidential. Never gonna win the Tour de France.”
“Why all these crashes at bike races. I’m president, I fix that on day one. I’ll build a wall, both sides of the road, from the first K to the last K. I’ll get the UCI to pay for it. They don’t know that but they’ll pay. It will keep the terrorists out, too.”
“I don’t think Nibali is Italian. He’s not Italian. Where’s his birth certificate? He was born in Hawaii like Obama. Shame nobody knows that. I been saying it for years. Nibali is Hawaiian and he won the Tour of Italy. That’s wrong, WRONG.”
“What happened to that Colorado stage race? Crooked Hillary killed it. Let’s make America great again. Wonderful state, Colorado. HUGE mountains.”
“You see those podium girls at Vuelta? Welcome at my hotels ANYTIME. Beautiful — and skinny. Way they’re supposed to be. Not like FAT worst MISS U I ever had Alicia M!!!!!”