Darkest horse will win Milan San Remo.

Milan San Remo horses

Milan San Remo horses

Forget World Champion Peter Sagan of Bora-Handstied winning Milan – San Remo despite being the overwhelming favorite, front runner, most marked man in Italy. Not going to happen. Cross him off your list, lay no money down, don’t even mention his name.

Fastman Fernando Gaviria of QuickStep Floors? Seriously, what are you smoking? Thousand to one shot, completely ridiculous, a second rate hack. Really, call yourself an informed and astute evaluator of cycling talent? You’re embarrassing yourself.

John Degenkolb a favorite? Not this year. Legs not up to the task, lousy team. Just because you won a single Milan San Remo doesn’t make you the King of Italy. Don’t care that he’s on form and really, how you measuring that form? Forget Pete, forget Fernando, forget John. Losers, to quote the President of the United States.

Oh really? You’re pushing Mark Cavendish of Dimension Data? He has a cold or something, he’s sandbagging, he’s laying low. He’s laying low because it’s hopeless. His daughter Delilah has a higher probability of winning La Classicissima. 

Michael Matthews, Michal Kwiatkowski, Greg van Avermaet, Julian Alaphilippe and Philippe Gilbert? OMG, are you on crack? Are you under the care of a licensed psychotherapist skilled in handling delusional behavior? I’m sorry, I really am, it must be a terrible thing to be stark raving crazy.

What? Somebody is shouting something at me from the back of the  … Nacer Bouhanni? That clown? He’s more likely to punch somebody halfway between Milan and San Remo and get himself disqualified. The Cycling Gods despise Bouhanni and have something miserable planned for his fail in MSR.

No, the smart money, the pure logic, the wise men are all aligned behind one candidate for victory in the 2017 edition of Milan San Remo: Filippo Pozzato of (Wilier Triestina). That’s right, Master P will school everyone from Sagan and Gaviria on down. He’s the sure thing dark horse, the guaranteed long shot winner. You cannot go wrong with Pozzato.

His directeur sportif Luca Scinto is already feeling the sweet buzz of triumph. “I’m going to say Pozzato even though he’s my own rider. He said in an interview that he performs best when nobody hassles him. Well, I haven’t been on his back for the last two months, so he should be flying,” Key word: Flying. Up the Cipressa, up the Poggio, six k into San Remo, champagne and podium girls and a legendary victory.

Pay freaking attention people. Brexit, Trump, Pozzato. It’s the year of crazy people and insane things happening. You heard it here first before all the so-called pundits. Master P is the MAN for Milan San Remo.

 

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