Contador shows off new Spanish steak tattoo.

Contador. The steak tat, well done.

This is the Alberto Contador we expected to be dealing with all along: tough, resourceful and bold. Remember, this is the guy who took all the psychological warfare Lance Armstrong could dish out and still won his second (and now third) Tour de France. Lance couldn’t break him, Clenbutrol ain’t got a chance.

Until today we’ve seen a surprising Contador, tearful, weepy, wallowing in depression, talking retirement, bemoaning the unfairness of the world like some teenage girl. The whole clenbuterol-plasticizer affair had him on the defensive, beleaguered and lost, clueless and befuddled.

No more.

Act one, Alberto came out with his “freeze-my-blood-and-urine-forever” statement, putting the UCI, WADA, L’Equipe and any and all German muckrakers on notice that he wasn’t afraid to be tested for anything, anytime, anywhere. Even after the worms eat UCI President Pat McQuaid’s dead body.

Then act, two, a quick run to the nearest tattoo parlor in Pinto for a tainted steak tattoo. Unconventional, yes, provocative, yes again, don’t mess with me, freakin’ yes. He’s saying el steak was el problemo and flexing his tat to make his case. Cold blooded cold cuts. Take your Cologne testing lab and shove it up your colon.

This is the man who dropped Andy Schleck when Schleck dropped his chain, baby. This isn’t Li Fuyu, booked and sanctioned and back in China selling cheap knock-off SRM Power meters.

AC is turning the PR in anger. He’s made it clean he expects this issue to be resolved in a week to 10 days. Twisted Spoke says the man in yellow is not going to get kicked around anymore. The tears are dried and the crying jag is over.

El pussy is gone, El Pistolero is back, guns blazing.

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  • jorge

    I read in the Pinto Times that a suspicious truck was found near Pinto's international airport. The police found in the truck several drums filled with olive oil and a large supply of Clenbuterol. In the back of the truck, police found a spraying system similar to the one used for de-icing roads during the winter. But, the most puzzling item found in the truck were several boxes of wristbands with the inscription "vive fuerte".

    The police initially thought that ETA was involved. ETA was ruled out since non of the chemicals found in the truck can be used to create explosives.

    One of the detectives in the case indicated, "There was enough Clenbuterol in the truck to inject every cow in Spain".

    • Jesus, Jorge, you just "blew the lid" off this whole investigation. How did you get this information? Have you forwarded it to Pat "hot air" McQuaid? Will this strange conspiracy get any stranger?

  • kha

    Jeez. Can you kiss his ass more please? You sound like a Lance fanboi

    • Jayhawk, I am too old to be a fanboi. Also, the whole ass kiss thing sounds unhygenic to me.

  • Ricola

    Hahahaha another epic post Matt! It's always good to start a working day with a cup of coffee and a laugh caused by your Twisted Spoke articles.