Bruyneel ultimatum to Andy Schleck: “no more pillow fights.”

Riders fighting with pillows.

Two steps forward, twelve steps back.

Johan Bruyneel, now presiding over the merged Radio Shack and Leopard squads, issued a mandate at the team’s first get-together in Belgium in late October: Andy Schleck needed to toughen up.

First, Bruyneel ordered his director sportifs to search the rider’s hotel rooms and confiscate any leftover Leopard scarves. Bruyneel believed the fashion accessories were a sign of weakness and communicated a feminine loser’s attitude. Team officials burned the two scarves found in Andy Schleck’s suitcase.

Then, on the recommendation of Lance Armstrong, Bruyneel brought in the Texan’s personal fragrance coach to help the younger Schleck develop a more overtly masculine scent. These two concrete steps were just the beginning of Bruyneel’s program designed to turn Schleck into a real man on the bike. The only goal for the RadioShack-Nissan Trek team in the coming season is yellow in Paris.

Then, suddenly disaster struck at the Amstel Curaçao race festivities on November 4th. Andy and his brother Frank were photographed engaged in a pillow fight with fellow riders. Bruyneel was horrified to discover that all his efforts to get Schleck to “man up” were falling on deaf ears.

“He was about as mad as I’ve ever seen,” said DS Dirk Demol. “He felt betrayed by Andy and that Andy wasn’t willing to make the hard sacrifices necessary to win the Tour. Armstrong never engaged in pillow fights.”

According to at least one source, Bruyneel later confronted the three-time Tour de France runner-up at his house. The message was clear: no more girlie pillow fights. Andy refused comment of the blow-up but brother Frank issued the following statement: “We regret that our actions were deemed feminine. It is not our wish to compromise our chances in the Tour.”

According to a RadioShack doctor, Andy was also forced to take several days off training as breathing in the feathers had compromised his breathing and irritated his lung tissue. “It’s nothing serious but as a precaution, we have him on some light medication,” said Nils Veerden, a team physician.

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  • Ken

    What real men wear perfume period.

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com TwistedSpoke

      I used to have a viewpoint that a man should never wear cologne. He acquires his fragrance but holding a beautiful women so tight that some of her good smell rubs off on him. Just a theory. Matt

      • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000544255404 Jody Prummer

        Matt, you are right "a man should never wear cologne", deodorant or crap in their hair. The smell attracts bees and I don't think Andy could handle bee stings. When my wife complains about body odor I tell her that's the smell of hard work and a good paycheck. In my job I am lucky to get ten showers in the summer.

      • http://www.atwistedspoke.com TwistedSpoke

        Whoa, Jody, A little overshare on the number of showers. But ut's the internet — you can stink a bit and nobody will notice. Matt

  • Pingback: Bruyneel insists Andy Schleck take up boxing. | Twisted Spoke

  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000544255404 Jody Prummer

    All the folks that work for me are on the same shower rotation. I am a Hotshot Superintendent just part of the job.

  • Pingback: Schleck "Man Up" program continues. New roommate & pillows. | Twisted Spoke

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003405391807 CUBO

    The good thing about the NYT atrcile is that Snob has his epitaph written already:"he’s not beholden to anyone."Seriously, who talks like that.Ok, so we find out his name, then he'll be on Entertainment 2-nite for a while, then he'll choke on some vomit while on a honeymoon with a porn star.Classic guy writes blog, guy gets famous, guy gets douchey, get chokes on vomit.