Assos wins Twisted Spoke “sillest fashion model” award.

In a word, why?

In truth, it wasn’t even a close vote. The high end Swiss cycling apparel won the “Silliest Fashion Model” award hands down.

Who is this guy and where did they find him? Some misguided marketing type decided Assos needed a tough guy to model their fabulous and outrageously priced garments.

They selected a smug and muscle-bound fellow who looks like he’s still pissed off that he didn’t get the junior mafia gang member role on some bad TV movie. He looks so fake he couldn’t intimidate a meter maid. He looks more like a steroid-ish freak you’d find in a gym in Miami or LA. Just a little too tanned, too smug, too muscled and in our opinion, too laughable.

Every time we see his photo we shake out head, caught somewhere between derision and comedy. Take a closer look at his frightening belly button. Is this an ugly consequence of illegal body building drugs? And what’s with the sunglasses — lights just too bright during the photo-shoot?

Wrong, we repeat wrong.

Check the pose — he’s doing a bad Western gunslinger routine. “Well, partner, I just rode two days through the mountains on the old Pinarello and now I’m fixing to drink some firewater and find me a pretty filly to play with.”

Again, we laugh, we cry, we laugh again even louder. Advertising and marketing is all about getting attention and creating a bit of drama and controversy is often a good thing. Still, it often backfires and in our opinion this one is a disaster. Branding for high end goods is essential but we seriously question the choices made.

Branding brilliance.

Contrast this with the brilliance of Icebreaker. The master of technical merino wool is just as skilled at telling their story in both word and image. Every time we go to their well-written and informative website, we see a cool image of the wooly beast cavorting with a sexy female athlete. Branding, story, memorable attention — that is how it’s done correctly and with style.

He must go.

New Year’s resolution for Assos — get rid of that man and is disturbing belly button.

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