Greg Lemond announced today that he still doesn’t like Lance Armstrong.
Three time winner Lemond admitted he’s still ticked off that the Texan has four, count ’em, four more Tour de France wins that he does.
Lemond, supposedly under a gag order after his court settlement with Trek and Armstrong, could simply not restrain himself and dumped all over Armstrong once again.
He reiterated for the 1000th time that he dislikes the name Lance and the last name Armstrong. He cringes when he sees the words Boss or Mellow Johnny or even Radio Shack. He went on to state that he refuses to drive through Texas or fly over the Lone Star state on any commercial flights.
In a free-wheeling interview he also revealed that he hates those yellow Livestrong bracelets and refuses to give any money to any cancer fundraising organization associated with Armstrong, preferring to donate to cystic fibrosis out of pure spite.
Lemond also confirmed several specific rumors concerning his attitude toward Armstrong. For example, he firmly believes the apparel sold at the Mellow Johnny store in Austin is “bogus crap.” He singled out the women’s red and pink jersey for poorly seam work and was critical of the Mellow Johnny sizing chart, which he referred to as “wildly off base, just an anatomical disaster.”
Not content to criticize the Armstrong line of apparel, Lemond then launched a vicious attack on the coffee at the Juan Pelota Cafe, saying the signature Roubaix and Ghisallo blends were “undrinkable and pathetic.”
Visibly angry, Lemond was unsparing in his assessment: “Juan Pelota is classic Lance. He creates these other identities — he’s like a criminal switching names. It’s all a con — we don’t know who he really is,” said Lemond.
He also singled out the Armstrong children for criticism, stating that although he’d never met 11 year old Luke, he was sure that kid was “just like his dad” and cheated in his recent pinewood derby and had downed three Red Bulls in a vain attempt to win a kid’s bike race in a local park.
According to Lemond, the Armstrong girls Grace and Isabelle aren’t even twins. “That’s just another example of how Lance twists the facts. They’re not twins. But he says it and suddenly that’s fact,” said Lemond.
Lemond then ran to his closet and produced a battered Armstrong voodoo doll and began ritualistically stabbing it with large pins.