Grab Bag Wednesday. All the cycling news fit to pontificate.

Crazy Z even better in English.

Never mind that Riccardo Riccò’s soigneur Flavio Mongiardo denies involvement in the Italian’s botched blood transfusion. Or that the he claims Ricco is “an exceptional person,” which is comedy times ten. The strange part was him saying he’s in a relationship with Ricco’s sister. The former Cobra is 27 so how old can his sister be — 25, 30? Flavio looks like he’s at least 55. Twisted Spoke thinks that’s a little spooky, maybe even a little Last Tango in Serramazzoni spooky.

Franco Pellizotti is in Switzerland for the chocolate and the hearing with CAS over charges he might have doped. The experts at the UCI say yes, Pellizotti says no and so far there have been no tweets of support from the Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi — who has his own legal problems. Twisted Spoke notes that Pellizotti has removed his outlandish curly blonde locks in favor of short and dark with soul patch. This is how you win court cases: strong arguments, conservative hair.

Sean Yates is rapidly climbing up the Twisted Spoke approval ratings. Discussing Team Sky’s performance in last year’s Tour de France, Yates pulled no punches: “Obviously, yeah, we didn’t do jack shit at the Tour de France in a way, because too much focus was put on that race, in my opinion,” said Yates. Nail smashed on head.

That was our first Tour and to mangle 50cent, “We didn’t get rich but we did almost die trying.” Still getting used to the whole circus, we approached Yates one morning — he was leaned up against a car looking bored — so we decided it was a perfect moment to ask a question. Twenty minutes later he was still talking. We cursed our lack of preparation — no pen and paper out, no iphone on record. The man unburdened himself, he spewed, he took the race apart and put it back together. Plus the man has the most grotesque varicose veins scarring both legs. The man has it all, baby.

Giro Boss Angelo Zomegnan’s halting, heavily accented and barely comprehensible English was a special treat. Who knew the glib, domineering and egotistical Crazy Z would sound so Monty Python when lost without his own language. His English answers to the relentless grill by Paul Kimmage is sure to be a classic. Now Twisted Spoke is in Zomegnan’s corner (as long as he keeps Di Luca out of the Giro) because he single-handedly keeps sex in the ProTour. Without his insistence on prime Italian babe everywhere at all times, we’d have a doping problem and sexual frustration. No sport survives that lethal combination.

Matti Breschel’s on again, off again knee problems have now reached critical. According to all the news accounts, he will miss the Spring Classics. Twisted Spoke thinks its time for Breschel to admit the real cause of his persistent knee issues. The years he spent as a male model have taken their toll. People forget how demanding that kind of work is: the hours holding the same poses put tremendous stress on the joints. Too many pressure packed photo shoots and the rigors of hanging out with the beautiful people may have seriously damaged the Dane’s cycling career.


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