10 questions federal investigators are asking Nike and Trek.

Novizky: Is Anna Hansen sexy?

Doping news hounds already know that Federal investigators, aka the men you don’t lie to, have questioned the people at Nike and Trek about the Landis drug allegations.

What people don’t know, because Nike and Trek officials are sworn to silence, is the exact nature of those questions.

Well, we at Twisted Spoke know word for word what hard-hitting queries they’re firing about Armstrong and doping. How? Because we have a trained mole, that’s how.

1 Is the Trek Madrone better than a top of the line Specialized race bike.

2 Do you offer discounts to investigators who work for the federal government?

3 Do you have any Lance Armstrong memorabilia to donate for our Agents Only Labor Day party?

4 Those Nike cycling shoes — how come they’re always so ugly — why can’t you style them up like the Sidis?

5 Can you make us some cool “FED” technical wear? The FBI stuff rocks but our gear is lame.

6 Do you offer volume discounts if we wanna buy some cycling gear?

7 What’s your opinion on Anna Hansen compared to Kristen and Sheryl Crow — is Anna hot?

8 Explain how this works again — the EPO is hidden in the top tube with a little sippy valve? And where’s the battery for the motor go?

9 Why is Greg Lemond always so crabby?

10 How do we get to Oakley from here? We really want to score some of those $300 shades.

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  • Johnny Masury

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Nd13ARuvVE

    Very interesting video shows where to hide the motor and batteries.

    The Vuelta organizers have already tested the new x-ray machine.

  • https://lifes2wheelbalance.wordpress.com Tony

    That was funny, Novizky looks menacing. I wouldn’t want to be in his radar.

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com walshworld

      The man from Balco is out for blood and he is going to get it. Matt

  • http://www.turbocrank.com Joe

    Dude, How did you get so funny?

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com walshworld

      Joe, I’m a professional and I think that explains everything. Before I look for truth, beauty or emotion, I ask myself, where’s the joke? Matt

  • Ron

    Novizky kinda looks like Patini reincarnated. Maybe hes come back for revenge!!

  • Joker

    Novizky is actually the father of Vania Rossi's baby. It all makes sense now.

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com walshworld

      That is a scary thought, my friend. But just the kind of conspiracy theory we love. You might have just figured this whole thing out. Matt

  • TR

    Speculating, but when I look at Novizky I have to wonder if he’s not a guy out for revenge & payback for something in his past. Did he loose a spot on the team or miss a scholarship ’cause he couldn’t keep up with some doper? Something personal going on here…