Things Tour champion Cadel Evans did not say after watching the 2012 Tour de France route presentation in Paris:
“Bro, this rocks. I am gonna kill that skinny Spaniard Contador — if his ass isn’t’ already suspended.”
“Am I the favorite? Damn right I am, I’m the boss.”
“Woo-hoo! Look at all the time trial kilometers. I am so winning this French thing again.”
“Andy Schleck, you are hosed, dude. Good luck adding muscle mass for the time trials.
“Where’s the freakin’ champagne? I’m ready to celebrate victory already.”
“I could win the Tour on auto-pilot, with half my team tied behind my back.”
“Take that, beyotch.
“Where are the hot French babes? I should have gone to the Giro presentation instead.”
“Look at this route! Frank Schleck is in such deep shit.”
“Damn, I am the best dressed guy here.”
So, lemme get this straight. There are no sexy podium girls pointing at the map but an old French tennis player is here — wtf?”
I’m gonna have my wife learn to play “We are the Champions” by Queen on the piano. This Tour is in the goddamn bag.”