Stage 17, Giro d’Italia, Feltre to Tirano, otherwise known as a sprint edition of The Sopranos.
In pushing and banging on Diego Ulissi (Lampre-ISD) in the final 150 meters, Giovanni Visconti (Farnese Vini-Neri Sottoli) did a perfect imitation of mob underling Christopher Moltisanti. How many “what the fuck, you fucks” can you say on a race bike going 50K?
Visconti acted like young Ulissi just screwed Visconti’s girlfriend, stole his shipment of cocaine, muscled in on his gambling casino territory and spit on his mother’s grave. Giovanni, lighten the fuck up, willya? Giro Impresario Angelo Zomegnan likes his drama and puts a little “art” in every stage but Jesus, know what I’m saying? Have a cannoli and calm the fettucini down.
This is one of those deals where Visconti goes back to the team bus and director sportif Luca Scinto gives him a few slaps in the face, then takes him to the Bada Bing Club to get his head back on straight. A lap dance, some coke and he’s ready for the race tomorrow.
Meanwhile the young Ulissi is cool as an Italian meat locker and talking sense. Which is easy — he had the line, he didn’t deviate and he ignored Visconti’s attempt at drive-by shoving. Visconti came off as a hot headed bozo in this stage. Not the way to honor the Italian nation champion jersey. But with an anger problem like that he could aways get a job as Alberto Contador’s mechanic.
We got a kick out of Visconti’s quote about shouting at Ulissi “ten times.” Hey, stop shouting and start planning your sprint more carefully. We’ve seen plenty of sprints where riders were forced into the barriers and this wasn’t remotely one of them. We’ve seen plenty of sprints where desperate riders tried to force their way through a gap that didn’t exist and this was one of them.
Visconti was going for his first Giro stage win and just lost control of himself. No doubt the stress and pressure was sky high but a cool-down, a good massage, a sexy podium girl and a glass of wine should give him some perspective. No, what the fuck am I saying?
Giovanni, you gotta call the family tonight, put a hit out on that Ulissi mutha-pedaler
Hahahahahah! It was a spectacular finish! Visconti's temperature was close to boiling point, it would have been a really close call if Visconti stayed to Ulissi's right side and hadn't been using him as punchbag, hahah.
He sure was all worked up. I mean really, his post race quotes made him look petty. Clearly he hates it when young rider is confident enought to take him on and refuses to simply get out of the way and give him the win. Matt