Sometimes I think that Jonathan Vaughters is the only man with a brain in pro cycling. That’s not fair but thanks to his position of influence, he wins the competition as sole human with requisite brain and power to change things.
He’s always the funniest man in cycling but right now humor isn’t what is going to drag the sport out of its relentless doping history into a brighter, happier, eternally sunny place like say Qatar or Oman. We are in essence in a kind of Paris-Nice — a monumental, post Armstrong fallout, race to the sun.
What Vaughters proposes is two things: that we don’t kill everyone in the sport with a doping past and that teams and race organizers chip in 8% of their operating budget to fund a $40 million dollar anti-doping program with the UCI nowhere in sight.
He also intimated that UCI president Patrick McQuaid should commit suicide and suggested a Japanese Samurai sword. No, sorry, he merely suggested Pat resign. We still like the hari-kari idea but that’s just us.
You know it’s a brilliant plan for a number of reasons: As previously mentioned, he is the smartest man in cycling and he’s also formulated the only plan. That’s right. For all the desperate yammering from the UCI with McQuaid — to quote Armstrong — in full “CYA mode” as in cover my ass and the rest of cycling in this kind of French Revolution chop everyone’s head mode — that would be FRCEH for short, nobody has bothered with an actual solution. As Vaughters once famously tweeted “Boom muthafugga.”
In addition, you know it’s an excellent plan when even cynical sourpuss Gerard Vrooman likes it with a few knits just to keep his own credibility intact. When GV likes the JV plan, you know it has the seal of approval. Paul Kimmage doesn’t like it but really he doesn’t like anything, even Bradley Wiggins.
Now, on to the Vaughter’s Effort To Save Cycling From It’s Own Stupid Self. Forget the imperative, forget the dire need for pro cycling to do something, anything and go right to the massive conceptual gain. The broader audience — Vaughters’ term for anyone not obsessed with pro cycling like us — associates cycling with doping. This is the first, last and greatest idea for getting head of the game and jumping five steps.
The Vaughters 8% Solution means that pro cycling puts drug testing in every other sport in a laughable and pathetic position. Now granted, that should have happened with the biological passport but then Pat was running the show and thus screwed up everything. No, the V8 Plan is something we can all be proud of and shout about. And we’ve just given it that jazzy, memorable title required for it to burrow its way into the general psyche.
Twisted Spoke says Go JV Go.