Lil’ Kim has landed in Europe.
The sexy female rapper who has replaced Kim Andersen as mentor, has arrived at the high altitude training camp in the Sierra Nevada to work with Andy Schleck on his Tour preparations.
According to an undisclosed source at RadioShack Nissan-Trek, Lil’ Kim picked up Schleck and took him on a six hour car trip during which they discussed his preparations.
“She snapped my head back. She just said some things that nobody else could: that I was too nice, to accommodating, that I wasn’t my own man,” said Schleck. “She told me about the ghetto and eating crappy chicken from a paper bucket and going to bed afraid she’d be hit by gunshots from drug dealers. I needed that perspective. She made a long time trial in the tour sound easy.”
It was unclear whether team manger Johan Bruyneel had spoken with Lil’ Kim first before her extended work session with Schleck. Nevertheless, DS Dirk Demol stated that he was thrilled with the effect Lil’ Kim had on Schleck. “She lit a fire, there is no question,” said Demol. “We saw a new Andy the next morning. I might even say he was nasty. He was like, that damn maillot jaune is mine.”
There is an unsubstantiated report that Lil Kim slapped Schleck several times in the course of their session. Bystanders at a roadside stop report that Schleck and Lil Kim engaged in an animated shouting match as he attempted to pump gas into his car. She kicked the side door and lit several matches near the gas tank and stripped off her bra in an effort to make an illustrative point.
“I can only say that her methods are unique,” said Schleck. It’s not like Riis or Andersen or Bruyneel where they look at your power files. She is not analytical in that way. She said &#%! the power files. That’s not her approach – she was very focused on the mental.”
It remains to be seen what effect the street-wise, sassy and sexual rapper will have on the Luxembourger who has finished second three times in the Tour de France. Still, Lil’ Kim is confident she can have a positive impact on Schleck. “People get shot, people bleed and die, cycling ain’t no different from gang banging. You look at Puff Daddy — he ain’t big but it’s attitude — you know he’s gonna find a way to kill you. I look at that skinny Wiggins, he ain’t nothing, that diaper-wiping Evans, he got nuthin’ my boy A ain’t got.”
Lil Kim has given Schleck the rapper nickname MC HARDAS$ — a street twist on hard ass and the initials AS for Andy Schleck. That was confirmed later in the day at a press conference with Schleck where he went into further deal about his new moniker. “I don’t’ want to be Andy, Andy is a boy scout who comes in second. From now on, I am MC Hardas$. Even Bruyneel now calls me that now.”
Lil Kim has already booked a five star Paris hotel and nightclub for the Tour de France victory party. “Oh yeah, it’s like the Mutha#$&! Grammy’s, you know what I mean? I love Paris and me and HARDAS$ gonna do it up right.”