Paris Hilton to ride Paris-Roubaix. Rumor or tantalizing fact?

//Paris Hilton to ride Paris-Roubaix. Rumor or tantalizing fact?

Paris Hilton to ride Paris-Roubaix. Rumor or tantalizing fact?

Where's the velodrome, baby?

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on our part. Still, what was Paris Hilton doing buying an Electra cruiser bike? Sounds like training time to Twisted Spoke.

People often forget that deep down, rich, vapid, superficial stars know they lack substance. On occasion that knowledge pushes them to do something meaningful like adopt a cambodian refugee or throw themselves between a whale and a Japanese hunting crew or walk thru the slums of Mombai handing out chocolate cupcakes to the poor.

Is this the case with heiress, model, reality show star and human chihuahua Paris Hilton? Because we think she’s decided to put herself to the ultimate test of physical and mental strength — the grueling Paris-Roubaix race. For once in her life, she wants to know who she really is. She needs to ride the cobbles.

The Electric cruiser is just the start of a massive build-up before petitioning the UCI for a one-time exemption and the right to join Boonen, Pozzatto, Hincapie and all the other hard men for the Hell of the North. Hollywood being the Hell of the West.

Rumors are flying fast and furious in the last few hours. Has she in fact engaged super coach and Lance pal, Chris Carmichael to personally design her training program? Is she already in Colorado at the Boulder Performance Lab determining her lactate threshold?

Is this really, actually happening? Is Paris calling George Hincapie at all hours, taking copious notes on the Paris-Roubaix course and pumping him for advice? Has she called up fashion designer Vera Wang to get started on a glitzy team Hilton kit?

The lack of factual information is maddening but there’s no question something big is going on. Paris-Hilton is hooking up with Paris-Roubaix.

Do not underestimate the star of The Simple Life and House of Wax. Paris is already slim, no need to drop extra kilos, her legs look toned and at 29, she’s in perfect health. 2007 winner Stuart O’Grady is himself behind in training but claims he’ll be ready for the April 11th start, just five weeks away. If O’Grady can do it, so can Paris.

She can already taste the Belgian toothpaste, that heady mix of mud and oil and road grime. She’s putting her considerable fortune behind the effort and Team Hilton will be a formidable force.

This is not about a podium finish. It’s about a young, beautiful woman finally discovering the one meaningful journey in her life. As she once said herself, “life is too short to blend in.” Paris is headed to Paris-Roubaix.

Reader note: for the next few weeks Twisted Spoke is under construction. Expect glitches and hiccups. We’ve switched to a new site host, changing the web address to and completely redesigning the blog for exciting changes to come — podcasts, video, assorted madness. Be patient.

By |2019-02-03T16:29:54-08:00March 3rd, 2010|Humor|3 Comments

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  1. […] story gained traction when Hilton was caught buying a brand new cruiser bike. Then the rumors began — a call to George Hincapie for training tips, a red eye flight to the […]

  2. […] trajectory is obvious for anyone who cares to follow. First, the vapid vixen is caught buying a cruiser bike. Then the late night calls to George Hincapie for training tips and Roubaix intel, the flight to […]

  3. Chadwick Goerner August 17, 2010 at 4:31 am - Reply

    Paris Hilton is wild but does have lovely eyes

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