Super Mario has gone over to the Russians.
According to news reports, Katusha manager Andre Tchmil signed up the former Lion King to work with his Russian sprinters.
“Everybody knew his ability as a sprinter when he used to race, so I think his experience will give us something extra. He will be the master of our young, talented riders in our Global Project,” said Tchmil in a statement issued by the team.
While Tchmil did not go into specifics on what the former world champion will teach the impressionable Russian youth, Twisted Spoke has a few ideas:
1) Kissing podium girls the Italian way.
2) Spraying champagne 101. (Remember, it’s not vodka!)
3) Nickname do’s and don’ts. How to create a signature name the media loves.
4) Hairstyles for winners. Special invitee Danilo di Luca explains how to get “the look.”
5) Peloton Italian. Essential basics like “I’m so sexy,” “where is the orgy?” and “wake me up when we get to the last 1000 meters.”
6) How to talk about yourself in the 3rd person.
7) Shopping for Italian shoes.
8) Girlfriends: how many is too many and what to tell the wife.
9) Creating controversy. When and how: the art of the self-centered media buzz.
10) Tax evasion basics. How Monaco works.
11) Team bus sex. Advice from the master on getting busy on the bus.
12) Kissing podium girls. Advanced techniques.