Can I see some ID, please?
Jaan Kirsipuu, age 40, won the first stage of the Jayco Tour and was promptly pulled off his bike, gently eased into his wheelchair and taken back to his quiet room at the Home for Retired Bike Racers.
How does this man do it? He’s 40 years old and beating sprinters half his age. He’s whacking speedsters from Garmin Slipstream and fast-men from Flying V and screaming quick guys from Rock Racing.
He’s 40 years old and winning a ProTour sprint, folks. The man probably has age spots, he needs dental work, his knees are knocking together. He sleeps in one of those beds that fold up so old people can watch insomniac TV. In cycling years, he’s old man Kirsipuu. His wikipedia bio says he’s retired!
His memory is going and mechanics have to remind him where he left his race bike. The other guys on that crazy Estonian team LeTua probably chew his food for him. This is impressive, amazing, incomprehensible stuff.
Kirsipuu doesn’t even need a train to slingshot him past. It’s imperative he publish his autobiography immediately. Something snazzy and attention-getting like Cavendish’s Boy Racer. Twisted Spoke suggests The Geriatric Jet or Go Grandpa Go or maybe Golden Years, Golden Gears.
Is he on some Estonian Super yogurt? We don’t want Chris Carmicheal’s Armstrong plan, give us the Estonian super elixir. Fast twitch fibers aren’t supposed to twitch this long. Kirsipuu looks like some kinda bald retired dock worker or aging theater director. The only wheel he’s supposed to grab is on a golf cart.
The man just keeps winning sprints but, you know, this is getting old. Is 40 the new 20?
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