Danilo di Luca has been shockingly silent of late.
The silence is the difficulty of proving there’s a conspiracy to destroy his career after he tested positive for CERA EPO not once but twice during the 2009 Giro d’Italia. How did those illegal drugs get in his system along with the paninis and cappuccinos when he didn’t put them there? Maybe he should ask Davide Rebellin or Riccardo Ricco, huh?
Ever since his suspension, Di Luca has been baffled by the identify and motivation of the person or persons behind this insidious plot to ruin him. Quickly he ran though the usual suspects: Nazi frogmen, space aliens, Ex KGB agents in the service of Russian Denis Menchov. Well, no luck with that so far.
Di Luca has a team of lawyers, investigators and several former Hollywood script writers from the old sci-fi show, The X-Files, trying to determine who the culprit is. However little progress has been made and Di Luca’s frustration grows daily.
In the meantime, Di Luca has very little to say. He’s already done the angry, baffled, my-honor-is-besmirched routine and that’s pretty much done. But the story is far from over.
Di Luca has now changed course and is thinking out of the box in an attempt to get himself back in the ProTour as soon as possible. Di Luca knows the UCI has the legal right to prevent him from riding. They are simply not going to let him write his name on any race sign-in sheet. And therein lies the genius of his new plan.
According to one rumor now circulating, Di Luca will attempt to race using the name of famous Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen. “It is an idea that excites me. He is handsome like myself, with good hair and facial stubble,” said Di Luca. “I think the tifosi would be pleased to see me race as Mads.”
Mikkelsen, the star of the Oscar nominated film, After the Wedding, was unavailable for comment. But Di Luca is moving full speed ahead with the bold and UCI-defying master stroke.
“We are in talks with his agent. Nothing is signed yet but I am optimistic. Mads is fantastic and he appreciates the extra publicity I bring by standing on the podium with his name,” said Di Luca.
There is some speculation that Di Luca has offered to let Mikkelsen use the Di Luca name whenever he travels to Italy. A wife swap in not on the negotiation table at this point. “I do not know how Mad’s wife Hanne feels about this. We are all sexy people. I am flexible and have great stamina,” said Di Luca.
The UCI has declined comment on this situation until further details emerge.