Cookson fumigates McQuaid’s former UCI office.

//Cookson fumigates McQuaid’s former UCI office.

Cookson fumigates McQuaid’s former UCI office.


UCI headquarters fumigated.

Wasting no time as the newly elected president of the UCI, Brian Cookson has already had his rival’s offices at UCI headquarters fumigated.

“We need to move forward quickly and decisively,” said Cookson. “I’ve already cleaned up Pat’s office so I can get a start on cleaning up everything else Pat’s done to cycling in the last eight years.”

Confident of this victory in this morning’s historic vote in Florence, Italy, Cookson apparently had McQuaid’s office cleaned up last night. New carpets were installed, furniture disposed of and the space was given a top to bottom scrubbing.

“It was a long and dirty period in cycling,” said Cookson’s new UCI spokesperson Alain Nettoyer. “Everything was filthy and there were stains everywhere. Every drawer was filled with garbage and the corners were heaped with junk. In the end, we decided to just tent the whole building.”

The four person cleaning group arrived at the UCI headquarters at 8PM Thursday night and did not finish until well after midnight. “We carted off a ton of junk and several bags of empty Scotch and Whiskey bottles,” said Michael Skrub, who supervised the clean-up effort. “The whole office reeked and we had to see the industrial cleaning supplies. I’ve seen worse but those are generally slum properties.”

Fortunately for Skrub, the clean-up effort did turn up several unmarked manilla envelopes filled with thousands of dalliers. “That was nice because nobody at the UCI headquarters knew who the money belonged to or what is for for so we just kept it,” said Skrub. “One envelope did have “Malaysia” written on it.”

Among the items carted away from McQuaid’s office were a marble bust of Stalin, two pistols with the serial numbers filed off, a box filled with cans of mushroom soup, a woman’s blonde wig and set of lingerie and a voodoo doll in the likeness of Garmin-Sharp’s Jonathan Vaughters.

Cookson is expected to take up residence in the UCI headquarters in Aigle, Switzerland later this week after the new furniture arrives.



By |2019-02-03T15:57:16-08:00September 27th, 2013|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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