The United States Anti-Doping Agency announced today that besides opening a formal hearing against Lance Armstrong, they have also implicated comedians Ben Stiller and Robin Williams.
Stiller, the star in films like Zoolander and Meet The Fockers, and famed stand-up comedian Williams have both been contacted by the USADA and will be asked to testify on their activities related to Armstrong’s Tour de France years. The two stars spent extended periods of time with Armstrong when he rode for US Postal, Discovery and Astana.
In documents posted by the Wall Street Journal, both Stiller and Williams are listed as having witnessed doping procedures and even encouraged the use of prohibited substances such as marijuana and cocaine.
“These guys were hanging with the team for years. They heard and saw everything, “said the USADA’s Travis Tygart. “Initially, the assumption was they were just there for comedy, to keep the team loose and confident. Now, we suspect a darker purpose — they brought in a bad Hollywood influence.”
These influences include the use of cocaine and marijuana and even certain procedures related to cosmetic surgery. “Everybody knows Lance has had some work done,” said Tygart. “Just little stuff, a nip and tuck — and that’s not the issue, nor is it against our rules or the UCI codes. We’re more invested in their eyewitnesses accounts because of their close access to the team.”
Team manager Johan Bruyneel scoffed at the idea of investigating Stiller and Williams. “I don’t’ understand this. I never even thought those guys were funny and Williams is clinically insane — you can’t believe anything he says or does,” said Bruyneel. “Lance got a kick out of Stiller but a lot of that material was formulaic. I tried to get Monty Python instead but Lance didn’t like Cleese.”
The possible charges of Hollywood-style drug excess on the US Postal and Discovery squads adds a new twist to the doping story. One undisclosed source has said that Dr Michele Ferrari, also named in the USADA investigation, had discussions with Stiller about cosmetic surgery and whether it could be performed on a team bus. “Those were rock ‘n’ roll years. All the guys wanted to ride faster and faster and look younger and younger,” said the source. “Stiller wasn’t just there for the jokes. Lance was a huge star and he wanted to look like one. Even Hamilton was asking about teeth whitening.”
US authorities remain convinced that Stiller and Williams had an intimate and detailed look at life on the inside of the US Postal and Discovery squads. “We all remember those Tour years,” said Tygart. “They were always on the TV with Lance, in the bus, the team car, clowning around at the team hotel. If anybody knows that really happened, it was Stiller and Williams.”
The two comedians declined Twisted Spoke’s request of comments.