Cavendish’s secret weapon against Kittel: pistachios.

//Cavendish’s secret weapon against Kittel: pistachios.

Cavendish’s secret weapon against Kittel: pistachios.

It’s no secret that Mark Cavendish’s number one, get podium or die tryin’ goal for this season is to beat Marcus Kittel in the sprints of this year’s Tour de France.

That has been his priority since the end of the 2913 Tour where Kittel destroyed everyone with four victories and took over the title of world’s fastest guy on two wheels.

That made the hyper-competitive Cavendish angry. So angry he got back into the gym and the track and back to the drawing board to figure out what he needs to do to beat the German with the bigger-than-Greipel thighs.

Twisted Spoke stumbled on one of the key elements of Cavendish’s Kill Kittel campaign today. It was on page 59 of the May issue of Outside Magazine: pistachios.

Mark Cavendish is eating all natural American pistachios. The one-page advertisement pictures the Manxman at full turbo power racing towards us to a finish line out past our shoulders. The ad headline boldly proclaims that Cavendish benefits from “The Power of Pistachios.”

Somewhere Marcus Kittle and his Giant-Shimano train are feeling a shiver of fear pass through their bodies. Cav is now pumping himself up with the “heart healthy” nuts and building more speed with that “6 grams of protein per serving.”

In other words, look out muscular German. Your run at the top in the Tour de France is all but over, fini, terminated. In fact, one of the reasons Cavendish is skipping the Giro d’Italia in favor of the Tour of California is so he can stock up on pistachios before he heads back to Europe.

Pistachios are the “official snack food of Mark Cavendish.” Yes, he was a mere shell of himself last year in France but now he’s on the nuts and about to crack back into the top spot in the world. In fact, according to the American Pistachio Growers, Mark is the “fastest man on two wheels.”

Apparently the American Pistachio Growers didn’t watch last year’s Tour de France. Kittel won four stages while Cavendish could only manage a measly two. Hey, farming is time-consuming and they’re up early to tend to the fields, not watch the Tour on TV.

But that’s all ancient and useless history and Cavendish is now in pistachio mode. Do not be surprised when the Manxman slips on the first maillot jaune in Yorkshire and the journalists all crowd round to ask him how he beat Kittel.

Cavendish will flash his grin, thank his teammates and those amazing pistachios.

By |2019-02-03T15:54:43-08:00April 19th, 2014|Uncategorized|1 Comment

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  1. […] Sagan may own California with 12 stage wins (and last year’s GC title) and Cavendish is still Mr.┬áPistachio┬ábut Kittel is back and killing it and Kistoff has already proved he knows how to beat the the […]

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