The Court for Arbitration In Sport was supposed to rule this week on Jan Ullrich and his doping past. However they’ve postponed that verdict until November 30th, after they deal with Alberto Contador’s tainted steak.
“Have you seen Contador’s legal documentation? It’s close to a thousand pages long,” said CAS Judge Serge Belein. “We had to get a jump on all that reading and Ullrich is just a pudgy, depressed retiree at this point. We have priorities.”
Ullrich’s alleged doping transgressions date all the way back to 2008 when Operacion Puerto blew up in Spain. The infamous Eufemiano Fuentes ran a blood doping set-up with high profile clients like Ivan Basso, Alejandro Valverde and Ullrich.
“That’s a lot of stale blood bags, you know? I mean, that evidence dried up years ago,” said CAS spokesman Pierre Lesangsec. “It’s rather silly for us to be dealing with Ullrich and his six year old case when Contador is on deck. We already postponed that one a few times so we had to shove Jan to the side. Who really cares, anyway?”
Certainly not the Swiss Cycling Federation. Even though Ullrich’s DNA was reportedly matched to blood found at Fuentes’ clinic, they dropped the investigation into Ullrich, claiming they had no jurisdiction. The UCI disagreed and appealed to CAS. Now, however, the date for a ruling has moved.
“Seriously, this is stupid. Are we going to ban him now, hit him with a sanction? The guy hasn’t raced in five years,” said Belein. “We’re back-logged, okay? Every anti-doping agency in cycling wants us to solve their problems. Contador is the focus, not some washed up German.”
The UCI’s goal is to set a precedent for retired riders not escaping justice if caught up in doping allegations. Just this week, the governing body petitioned CAS to hear a case against French rider Jean Malléjac, dating from the 1955 Tour de France.
“Obviously, he has been dead for almost twelve years but we remain convinced his bidon was filled with stimulants,” said the UCI’s Lesangsec.
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