Armstrong hit by Hamilton piano. Tyler squeals.

///Armstrong hit by Hamilton piano. Tyler squeals.

Armstrong hit by Hamilton piano. Tyler squeals.

Seven time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong, the worlds’ greatest endurance athlete, was hit by a piano today, a Hamilton, upright variety, roughly 500 pounds.

That’s far more than Hamilton’s racing weight but then he’s been forcibly retired for a few years. A former teammate in the US Postal team from 1998 to 2001, Hamilton claims Armstrong used performance enhancing drugs such as EPO and testosterone. He confessed these things for the news show 60 Minutes which plans to air the segment this Sunday. Federal investigator Jeff Novitzky says it’s a must-see.

Hamilton falls on boss.

While Sports Illustrated and Bicycling Magazine have both detailed several mountains of “circumstantial” evidence against Armstrong, what was always missing was the key witness to collaborate the crazy man Landis, like a George Hincapie, a Jonathan Vaughters, a Tyler Hamilton.

That testimony just fell from the sky and there’s not enough money in Texas to do that much damage control. Meanwhile Floyd Landis is swigging a bottle of Jack Daniels and dancing naked to Kid Rock’s Greatest Hits. The best part for the Mad Mennonite is that finally people will stop calling him a lunatic.

Landis has now been legally substantiated, collaborated and in some small way exonerated. Hamilton’s quotes were as painful as a dull syringe. [Armstrong] took what we all took…the majority of the peloton,” Hamilton told “60 Minutes. There was EPO…testosterone…a blood transfusion,” he said.

“I saw [EPO] in his refrigerator…I saw him inject it more than one time like we all did, like I did many, many times.” Add a hand on a court bible and a “swear to tell the truth” and the Legend of Lance has a foundation crack down the middle.

Reaction from the Armstrong camp was swift and aggressive as per operating proceedure. “Tyler Hamilton just duped the CBS Evening News, 60 Minutes and Scott Pelley all in one fell swoop. Hamilton is actively seeking to make money by writing a book, and now he has completely changed the story he has always told before so that he could get himself on 60 Minutes and increase his chances with publishers. But greed and a hunger for publicity cannot change the facts: Lance Armstrong is the most tested athlete in the history of sports: He has passed nearly 500 tests over twenty years of competition.”

There’s a weary sort of repetition in that spin. At a certain point it’s not possible to claim again and again and again that this soingeur, this personal assistant, this writer, this witness, this book, this teammate or that teammate’s only motivation is greed and jealousy.

It gets old, perhaps as old as the Legend itself. The Hamilton piano fell on Lance Armstrong today but there are worse things. The Hincapie piano weights significantly more.

By |2019-02-03T16:20:06-08:00May 19th, 2011|Tour of California|25 Comments

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  1. goober b. davis May 19, 2011 at 7:07 pm - Reply

    So Tyler, are you lying now or were you lying then? Tyler along with Landis have zero credibility. Infact Tyler states that the only reason he is changing his story is to publish a book.

    Wonder if he's going to pay back all those people that contributed to his legal defense fund?

    I smell a cheat trying to cheat again.

    • TwistedSpoke May 19, 2011 at 9:25 pm - Reply

      Goober, the odds are against you. What's it gonna take for you to face the truth? Hincapie is next so be ready baby. Matt

  2. drewm May 19, 2011 at 7:32 pm - Reply

    It's a fact of life… we all want to make money and write a book. That's just a given and an easy and truthful fact to dole out whenever a need warrants it.

    In the May 20th letter (today is the 19th) that the lawyer's are writing to 60 min, they state "…forcing Lance Armstrong to respond to anonymous allegations…" – which means that by not giving enough of a heads up to Lance when allegations are coming, they are not given enough time to respond. That is, not enough time to fabricate the come back and dirt to fling back.

    • TwistedSpoke May 19, 2011 at 9:26 pm - Reply

      This is only the beginning of the end. Now that Hamilton has opened up, there's no reason for Hincapie to keep quiet. It's all over. Matt

  3. pal May 19, 2011 at 9:45 pm - Reply

    We see a continuing drip, drip, drip of accusations. Of course the accusations are being made by people who have lied in the past. Of course there is some 'benefit' for them out of this. Of course, the denials from Armstrong will be swift. I guess, however, I'm just ready to move on. Chalk it up to an atmosphere that was not only in cycling but all of professional sports (steroid ball). There is no denying that EPO and other drugs were used to enhance performance in the past. Let's focus on today. Let Lance run the LiveStrong Foundation (a valuable asset to our world community), and let the UCI (inept as it is), CAS, and the other agencies get on with making cycling clean today. I guess, all I'm saying is it is time to reboot and move on.
    Just a thought, it is interesting to me that a man like Barnes Riis has admitted to using drugs to win the Tour, and it is known that others used drugs to win the Tour. Lance cannot let himself admit it to the world…okay. Were these guys still amazing… yeah, but not superheroes. So the lesson to learn from all of this is don't ever consider athletes to be world class people just because they have a high VO2 level. They are people with character flaws just like you and me.

  4. @emilianoJordan May 19, 2011 at 10:40 pm - Reply

    So wait… You mean to tell me Tyler, that there was no Chimera Twin? I'm disappointed, I really believed you on that one. Riiiiiight…

    • TwistedSpoke May 20, 2011 at 6:39 am - Reply

      Look forward to my twin chimera post soon. You don't want to miss it. Matt

  5. joepappillon May 20, 2011 at 12:11 am - Reply

    Unfortunately, lying for an extended period in denying doping after having been caught, only to eventually crack and admit to one's transgressions and possibly implicate others, is a fairly consistent and straightforward protocol in cycling in particular. The incentive to lie initially is to protect one's fraudulent sporting legacy, general reputation, perhaps economic interests… The incentive to stop lying and tell the truth usually manifests itself sometime later, and is primarily derived from a desire to escape the crushing weight of a prolonged, pointless deceit that does little but corrode the soul. That someone might write a book about their conversion and the experiences that brought them to the difficult but liberating choice to set themselves free with the truth is hardly surprising and unfortunately it's disingenuous to act otherwise.

    And while it's true that like-minded people are attracted to life-minded people, with each "ex-rider"/"tortured-soul" who finally comes forward and reveals their own misdeeds; and with each black-balled ex-team staffer who tells the same, consistent story in front of the Grand Jury (a story that has existed since when they were given access to the inner sanctum); when each new player takes the stage to present his unique interpretive story as it relates to all this…Well hopefully people will start to realize IT’S NOT AN ANTI-LANCE CONSPIRACY.

    Rather, It’s an effort to attack the culture of doping that has made cycling so sick.

    • TwistedSpoke May 20, 2011 at 6:38 am - Reply

      An excellent point, it's not so much an attack on the boss, it's the dopingn culture, that as the soprts greatest star, he has come to represent. I love Lance, I remain a huge fan of him as a bike racers and humanitarian. That was an era when all the top guys doped, it they had all been clean he won have won sever tours that way. Matt

  6. Tired Fan May 20, 2011 at 4:53 am - Reply

    I was just thinking, how do we know this is not just Tyler's evil twin speaking on his behalf..? Then I read emilianoJordan's comment and realized that someone had already thought of that punchline.

    The riders were recently outraged when L'Equipe published the 'suspicion list'. 'How could they paint us all with one brush?' is what they cried. I think we have our answer…..

    As a cycling fan it pains me to say this, but until all of cycling's dirty laundry has been put out, every great achievement by a cyclist will be held with some degree of suspicion. The image of pro cycling has been damaged for a generation and the sooner we can get the truth the sooner we can move on and try to restore some credibility.

    • TwistedSpoke May 20, 2011 at 6:36 am - Reply

      Yes indeed. Agree with you on all your points. Evil deeds never really go away and they affect the sport in many negative ways. Many people will say, look, it happened, now forget it, let's move on. But you can't do that until its well and truly deal with first. Matt

  7. goober b. davis May 20, 2011 at 4:56 am - Reply

    Tyler didn't get caught doping and lying once, it was twice. His current state of retirement is due to the fact that he was nabbed by the drug tests again. This time he claimed it was supplements.

    It doesn't matter how many times a doper like Tyler or Landis make accusations and give grand jury testimony, they have motive and history of lying, and quite frankly, they both financially benefit from lying.

    Lets face it, the whole reason they lied and cheated in the first place was for finance and fame.

    Do tell me, what is different now?

    • TwistedSpoke May 20, 2011 at 6:34 am - Reply

      Goober, if you're still hanging on to the Armstrong life-raft and have lost all reasoning, I can no longr be of service. Good luck to you my friend, many people live quite happily in their delusions. Matt

  8. Gnossos7 May 20, 2011 at 8:04 am - Reply

    Ok, non-believers. This is how it works. Human beings will tell the lie FIRST, then the truth will out. Got it? We lie first, then we tell the truth. Think about it.

    Compare to any other doping case, first the outraged refusal to accept the lab, the test or the test parameters. Eventually, after many denials, the doper admits his lie and accepts his ban.

    Just like kids in the cookie jar. Who was in the jar? "Not me!". Especially not the one with crumbs on his lips!

  9. Jason Crawford May 20, 2011 at 10:34 am - Reply

    First off I must say that I'm completely partial to Tyler. The 2003 TDF was the best of all time and to watch Tyler gut through with a broken collarbone demonstrated how much he was pushed to succeed. I personally believe that Tyler reached a point where he wants to get the monkey off his back and come clean. It's so obvious that doping was embedded in the cycling culture during the Amrstong, Landis, Hamilton, Ulrich, Andreau, Millar, Heras, Basso, Scaponi……the list goes on and on.

    Lance's argument that he has zero positive controls doesn't convince me. He's been implicated several times and in many cases has thrown a lot of money at the cases to make them go away. Call me skeptical, but when it's that ingrained in the culture and a lot of his teammates have been found guilty leads me to believe that Lance is dirty as the next.

    Even though Tyler cheated, he will remain one of my favorite cyclist of all time.

  10. goober b. davis May 20, 2011 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    I don't care if Lance is guilty or not. I would not rely on the evidence of two convicted liars as a basis for finding Lance guilty. I wouldn't trust a convicted pedophile with my kids, a drug addict with my wallet, and Floyd and Tyler with the truth.

    They're both proven frauds, who not only lied, but defrauded their families and supports of thousands of dollars for their farcical legal defenses.

    So far Lance has not been convicted of anything. Innocence until proven guilty… isn't that America?

  11. David May 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm - Reply

    And here comes the Hincapie train. That is gonna hurt. Hincapie is a stand up guy with lots of credibility.

    And how many of his other former teammates were caught? Roberto Heras, Manuel Beltran. Others?

    If Armstrong didn't take PEDs, then I'll give my Pinarello Dogma with Di2 and Zipp 404s to Oprah Winfrey. Hincapie, Hamilton, Landis and Andreu said he did.

    • sacramennah May 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm - Reply

      It will be uncomfortable at best for Hincapie to come clean while he's still racing. Instant banishment; compromised endorsements, etc.

      • IdeaStormer Jorge May 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm

        That's Hincapie just toss the kitchen sink at Lance. What's left or needed to convert the non-believer (into Lance's doping history that is).

      • TwistedSpoke May 21, 2011 at 1:30 am

        Nothing. Legend destroyed. It's over. Now comes teh fascinating aftermath. Matt

      • TwistedSpoke May 21, 2011 at 1:30 am

        I think George will be the only one to come out of this relatively clean. He's ready to retire, people love him and he isn't polarizing like Armstrong. Big George is gonna be okay. Matt

    • TwistedSpoke May 21, 2011 at 1:28 am - Reply

      David, don't give your Pinarello. Give it to me. Seriously, have you seen the latest pics of Oprah? She's needs more than a few hours a day on the bike. Matt

  12. […] it was the Hamilton upright, 500 pounds, pretty scratched with some questionable past. Today the man with the “20+ year […]

  13. Pale Face June 26, 2013 at 12:13 am - Reply

    Wished I had some…..

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