World’s road race. Cav’s white flag, Pozzato’s rising sperm count.

Gilbert not abstaining before World road race.

Manx don’t like Melbourne.

Mark Cavendish did a flip-flop yesterday, not on the bike, on the course, the World’s course in Australia. Last week when he was out of town, far from Oz, the Missile made threatening noises about possibly having a shot at winning despite what experts had to say about the grueling course.

Then he rode the damn beast and came to an entirely different conclusion: “Now that I’ve been able to check it out for myself, I’ll have to revise my ambitions. The course is certainly too difficult for me,” said Cavendish. Is this the deluxe edition of sand-bagging? Hmm, what does former teammate and rival Andre Greipel think?

Anyone who has actually ridden a race bike around the Worlds course that runs out to Geelong and back, reaches the same conclusion. When ex Lion King and quote hungry Mario Cipollini lamented that Italian coach Bettini hadn’t taken a pure sprinter, El Grillo had one answer: ride the course before you shoot your mouth off. In fact, Bettini ruled out Mark Cavendish a week ago, saying the Brit “won’t make it to the end in contention.”

There isn’t one fast-twitch sprinter who thinks this is his race. Big tough guys like Thor Hushovd love the course. So does triple rainbow Oscar Freire who let everyone on two wheels know that “the finish is good for me.” The Spaniard has already won three world championship road races so when he says the word “good” and “me” in the same sentence, contestants should officially tremble.

The rider who is truly thrilled with the challenging conditions is Belgium’s Philippe Gilbert. Mr September-October (a cumbersome but accurate nickname) can’t wait for Sunday’s race. “Because of the technical and twisty start, we hit the foot of the second climb at a quite a low speed. That makes it especially tough. But good for me,” said Gilbert.

The sexually abstaining and fully focused Filippo Pozzato has also primed the pump for Melbourne. He has all his bodily fluids under control and thinks he’s got a shot if Gilbert doesn’t blow everyone away.

But has Popo taken his semen-guarding strategy too far? Has he made the grave error of actually lowering his testosterone? Sunday will be a good forum for sex versus no sex, abstainers versus indiscriminent sperm flingers. You have to wonder what Lance’s coach Chris Carmichael would have to say on the subject.

Some call Armstrong (lovingly, laughingly) the uni-baller. But damn, nobody ever questioned his concentration or focus. Or course the only world championship the boss won was back in ’93 in Oslo when he had two conjones. Go figure or don’t.

But we digress and that’s probably because we had sex with the wife yesterday and lost our focus, our drive, our reservoir of manly juices! Jesus, did she have to slip on the black lingerie again? No medal for us but we are feeling less stressed.

The rainbow calleth. We have our money on Gilbert who may or may not be sweatin’ up the sheets, as the old school rappers used to say. A cursory google on Gilbert came up with his stunning blonde babe wife Patricia Zeevaert. If Gilbert is depriving himself then all we can say is that he is really depriving himself.

However, our backdoor bet — and call us loco — but we’re throwing some kid’s college bucks on Tyler Farrar. He’s been quiet, he’s got power and we’re Garmn junkies.

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  • Duck22

    Lance calls his own coffee shop the Juan Pelota Cafe. http://is.gd/fxFJW. Ironically, self-deprecatingly.

    • Duck, a wonderful point I over-looked. Thanks for reminding me of that humor. Armstrong has an excellent sense of humor. Matt

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