Will cookie crumble? Gaimon vs. Cancellara

Gaimon. Cookie goes to war

The 2018 pro cycling season is upon us. We can all look forward to the monuments, the classics, the cobblestones, the Giro and Tour and Vuelta. It’s gong to be a cracker, as the brits like to say.

However, that’s not all, folks. In addition to those cycling goodies, this season promises us two unique and spectacular events: The Chris Froome Salbutamol Debacle and the Fabian Cancellara – Phil Gaimon mechanical doping throw-down.  We’re already on the edge our our seats. Can we get a live stream from the courtroom and Swiss cols?

Froome’s Puff Dady routine will play out with tons of lawyers, a slow burn that should run right through the Giro and Tour, adding an unbelievable amount of hot sauce to the proceedings on the road. Nothing like race + insane media storm.

Never mess with a legend

Then, we have a cage match on bikes between retired pro, author and cookie monster Phil Gaimon and retired pro, superstar and legend Fabian Cancellara, somewhere in the Swiss mountains (location TBD.)

This mano-a-mano deserves it’s own race website, camera crews and live network coverage. After Gaimon’s new book Draft Animals repeated the Fabian-used-a-motor rumor, the Swiss champ got angry, the lawyers made noise and then Cancellara challenged Gaimon to try to beat him on one of the nine Chasing Cancellara events this year.

“Let’s see how many watts Gaimon has. I’ve still got some good numbers, even if not for very long because I’m not on form,” said Cancellara “He should come to my races, there are nine to choose from, so we can see how good he is.”

After laughing off the invitation, Phil the Thrill decided to play this silly game to it’s hilarious conclusion. “That was never my point, but fine. I’ll drop you at your own bike ride. I have some terms, though. Lets have my people talk to your people. DM me,” tweeted Gaimon. While we had already suggested several alternative counter offers Phil could have employed, he’s now all in. Testosterone up!

Already, interested parties have suggested two Chasing Cancellara events in particular as the most likely choices for Gaimon to even have a chance at knocking out the giant. A career domestique with one, lonely stage win to his name (Tour of San Juan!), Gaimon has his work cut out for him.

However, he has kept in excellent shape thanks to his Worst Retirement Ever plan, where he steals back Strava KOM’s of known dopers. Gaimon called himself a front group climber in his days with Garmin/Cannondale and it’s in the mountains where he’ll take his best shot.

The Distentis to Andermatt event on June 24th would pit the American against Cancellara on a 32k mountain stage over the Oberal Pass. That would be the fall-back, because the true piece de resistance would be on August 19th, Aigle to Villars sur Ollon. This challenge will throw up the Col des Mosses, Col du Pillon and Col de la Croix with a total distance of almost 90k. It’s Gaimon’s best hope.

What are we gonna call this scintillating event? Spartacus versus Cookie-cus? Fabian and Phil’s Swiss Folly? Gaimon and Goliath?

There’s been much chat room stupidity about who benefits more from this showdown. There are the predictable comments about Gaimon just wanting to jack up his book sales. However that misses the commercial impact on Cancellara’s side.

While Gaimon’s Draft Animals can be had on Amazon for under $12, an entry into a Chasing Cancellara event plus commemorative jersey and pasta voucher goes for a total of $131 US dollars. An argument can be made that it’s the Swiss star that might profit to a larger degree.

We are stoked for this Gaimon Chasing Cancellara event. Too be perfectly honest, we’d rank this epic battle ahead of UCI events like the Abu Dhabi Tour, Prudential RideLondon-Surrey Classic, BinckBank Tour and Tour of Guangxi.

Make your cycling calendars: August 19th, Fabian and Phil go to war.

 

 

 

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