UCI’s McQuaid loses USADA Armstrong files in Dublin pub.

Evidence lost in Dublin pub


After complaining that the United States Anti-Doping agency still hadn’t sent the UCI the evidence against Lance Armstrong, it now appears that the file was lost by the UCI.

According to a spokesman for the UCI, President Patrick McQuaid lost the file while at the Stags Head pub in Dublin Saturday night. “Mr McQuaid wanted to review the evidence as soon as possible and so took them to the pub,” said UCI communications director Enrico Fabio. “Regrettably the files then disappeared.”

The USADA documents in McQuaid’s possession apparently included the testimony of the ten witnesses who claim to have seen or have had knowledge of Armstrong’s doping during his years on the US Postal squad.

As of Sunday morning the sensitive files have yet to turn up. “It was a lively crowd Saturday night, no getting around that,” said Stag’s Head owner Seamus O’Flarrety. “Lots of carrying on and singing. Pat’s rendition of Danny Boy was a real highlight — had everybody in tears. It wasn’t the best place for keeping legal documents. We’re not exactly a legal library.”

According to Mary Sanchez, USADA press secretary, the files contained over a thousand pages of testimony. “I have no idea why Mr McQuaid would take this material to a bar in Dublin. That’s highly inappropriate.” USADA CEO Travis Tygart was unavailable for comment and out of the office preparing for his battle with Lance Armstrong in this Sunday’s Alpine Odyssey mountain bike race in Crested Butte, Colorado.

McQuaid refused comment on allegations that he had lost the USADA files Saturday night sometime after midnight. “There is a process, I assure you. The process continues and I cannot tell you anything else except that the rules, our rules, my rules are being followed to the upmost,” said McQuaid. “If they had put the documents in a brighter envelope perhaps it would have been easier to find.”

An extensive search of the Dublin pub, voted one of the top drinking spots in the city, failed to turn up the USADA files. “He didn’t seem that upset, you know,” said O’Flarrety. “He said he pretty much runs the show so if they had to send another Fedex, so be it. It’s not the first thing he’s lost here.”

Officials for USADA could not say when they would have a second package ready for the UCI president.


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3 Responses to “UCI’s McQuaid loses USADA Armstrong files in Dublin pub.”

  1. What a complete idiot, he needs to be fired yesterday.

  2. Dude, you know this is a comedy piece, and not meant to be taken seriously, right?