The Twisted Tour de France final jersey presentations.
Due to the length of the final presentations, Tour de France boss Christian Prudhomme was unable to present a number of the jerseys. In fact, pressed for time, only the yellow, green, polka dot and white jerseys were handed out. However, Twisted Spoke will continue the presentations for tous les maillot.
Best Vegan jersey. Once again Dave Zabriskie of Garmin-Sharp-Pain wins the dark green kale-colored all organic wool jersey for top vegan. In fact, Zabriskie was the only vegan in the race.
Sand Bag Jersey. The award for the rider with the best con game goes to Thomas Voeckler or Europcar. The Frenchman convinced everyone in the race that he had bad knees and was suffering tendonitis. He fooled everyone and took two stage wins including the polka dot jersey FOR BEST CLIMBER. How you do that with sore knees in the most demanding three week stage race in the world is a mystery. A tour de force sand bag act from the Frenchie.
Hotdog Jersey. Peter Sagan, the young Fastvakian will return home with two jerseys in his first Tour de France. He wins the green jersey of best sprinter and — for his Forrest Gump victory routine at the finish like — he also takes the Hotdog jersey. Please do not wear this jersey anywhere near Zabriskie.
Bonehead Jersey. Alessandro Petacchi wins the jersey for stupidest move of the race. Riding in the middle of the peloton on stage six, the aging Italian sprinter decides to remove his shoe covers. He hands them to his teammate who takes his hand off the bars. Unable to brake, the teammate crashes and wipes out half the peloton and most of Garmin-Sharp-Pain. Ryder Hesjedal and Tom Danielson forced to abandon.
Geriatric jersey. George Hincapie of BMC, riding his 17th Tour de France, takes the grey jersey for best old man in Le Grand Shindig. Runner-ups for Grey: Jens Voigt and teammate Chris Horner of RadioShack-Nissan-Trek.
Road Rash jersey. In a competition that wasn’t even close, Tyler Farrar won the coveted road rash-red jersey for the rider who crashed the most in three weeks. The hard luck sprinter for Garmin-Sharp-Pain seemed to hot the tarmac almost every day and on several stages, when down more than once.
Anger Management jersey. While Road Rash jersey winner Tyler Farrar appeared to also lock up the Anger jersey after he stormed into the Argos-Shimano to scream at Tom Veelers, it was Belgian star Philippe Gilbert who earns the really mad guy award. Twisted SPoke was impressed by the way Gilbert wants nuts on the poor couple and their cowering little daughter after the family dog ran in to the road and crashed Gilbert.
Invisible jersey. This team competition was hotly contested with both Saur Sojasun and Argos Shimano and Cofidis all battling most invoicing team in the race. Saur Sojasun takes the jersey but Cofidis is still protesting and insists on a recount.
Acrobat Jersey. The ward for most brilliant display of bike handling was a difficult choice to make as we had two worthy winners. Thomas Voeckler impressed us by flying off the road on a mountain descent and honey hopping his bike onto a ramp and staying upright. That was quick thinking and a show of superb reflexes but it was nothing compared eventual winner Andre Greipel. Riding in the pack at ugh speed just a few kilometers from a sprint finish, Road Rage jersey Tyler Farrar goes down right in from on the German. In an astonishing performance of balance and bike handling. Greipel skids right and left, leg flying out, somehow manages to correct, then collides with Peter Sagan, still stays up and then wins the stage.
Jerk Jersey. By tradition, the Jerk award goes to the rider who best demonstrates a lack of class and sportsmanship. This year Pierre Rolland takes the jersey for attacking not once, but twice when the rest of the peloton slowed when 30 riders including Cadel Evans punctured then tacks were thrown on the road. Rolland claimed he didn’t get any radio instructions from his DS and he certainly has a hearing problem, what with everybody in the front group yelling at him to stop.