The Tour of Israel. Why, oh Lord?

Tour of Israel. Ride hard, pray harder.

Is it just me, oh Lord, or dost thou not think this is a dangerous idea?

The Tour of Israel? Five days cycling in the Middle East — what — and broker a cease fire while you’re there? Pack the passport, diplomatic corp and a dozen mercenary body guards to pedal along side you? What kind of heat will you be packing in the jersey pocket?

Sounds almost as bad as the Tour of Kabul or Bicycle Baghdad, doing cyclo-tourism with the Taliban. We scratcheth our head, oh Lord. Is this a safe place to go for a ride without being shot at, kidnapped, tortured, blown to pieces or worse, have your bike stolen?

Why oh Lord? Thou leadest me on two wheels across the desert, thou bringest me to the eternal feed zone and carry my soul onward as I pedal to paradise but right now? Is this a good time, oh Lord?

Shouldn’t they hold the Tour of Israel some time in the future, say 100 years from now, when things have simmered down? When Gaza and the West bank are nice, quiet suburbs with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and Starbucks without bullet-proof glass windows? When the Hamas have merged with the Quakers and gone pacifist?

Sample scenario: Israeli Government — “okay, we’ll trade you two terrorists for the twelve abducted cyclists.” Hamas — “Fine but we’re keeping the bikes, especially the Pinarello.”

The Tour does the full Biblical greatest hits itinerary: the hills of Galilee, the Jordan Valley, Mt Hermon, the Red and Dead seas. It’s most likely as inspiring and fulfilling as it is scary. Lots of praying on the Tour of Israel. Plus, you can mix your Holy Water with Cytomax and have your Powerbars blessed.

Hold on, I believe I simply made that up without checking first. Personally, the back-roads of the Napa and Sonoma wine region sound better to me but I’m an alcoholic buddhist. I think that makes me a weed in God’s Garden as the Catholics like to say.

We’re not an expert in current events in the Middle East. Too busy following Lance and Alberto, but riding anywhere in that Middle East shooting gallery strikes Twisted Spoke as unwise, low on prudence, borderline insane.

Lord, they are but sheep on bicycles and your flock is in danger. This Tour of Israel is fraught with danger. Couldn’t you just re-scheduleth? Your call, as always.

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  • Matthew

    Love your site.
    Some questions:
    1. Why didn’t you post a link (http://www.tourtheisrael.com/) like you normally do, so that we can see which bits are true, and which bits are humorous embellishments.
    2. Why don’t you come? cycling is gaining in popularity in Israel, and it is a fun (and safe) place to visit / live in.

    Thanks,
    Matthew in Israel

    • walshworld

      Hey Matthew, now how is that for symmetry and point-counter-point? Matthew and Matthew. I good point. Usually I do put in the links and I will correct that in the morning. I’m sure the tour is great and cool in many, many ways and a totally unique experience. But at first glance, from afar, not being “on the ground” as they say, a reader can’t help but wonder about safety and I did have some fun with that.

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