At the end of the Tour de France Lance Armstrong he wished he was younger and faster. Nothing we can do about faster, that’s a question for the robotics people.
Lance, should he choose — and no doubt its crossed his mind — could come back a third time as the Six Million Dollar Man, a hybrid, part man, part machine. An expensive proposition but siphoning off Livestrong funds would take care of all development costs.
However, Twisted Spoke does have the answer to the younger part because it was on full view in Bordeaux for the stage 19 time trial. We’re talking about Tom Cruise, folks, who still looks as youthful as he did 20 years ago.
The Hollywood supernova is 48 years old yet appears to have stopped the clock at 30. This isn’t just editorial airbrushing, this is the finest anti-aging treatments money can buy. Should Lance follow the Cruise program, Alberto Contador would think he was facing off with Lance the Younger, a terrifying and fearsome athletic force.
Is Lance ready for a little tuck and lift? Some sand and polish, some derma-abrasion, injections, lubrications and absurdly expensive skin creams? The Boss is beautiful, baby. Mellow Johnny finds the fountain of youth.
And who’s to say that rubbing some of those age-defying lotions on his legs won’t bring back that spring, that assassins kick, the high end power he’s been missing. We say give Lance the full Tom treatment and let’s get back to the Days of Discovery. And by the way, the gray has got to go, Lance. Look at Tom: he’s still a dazzling dark brown. Nothing says loss of watts like gray flecks.
Twisted Spoke thinks Lance should keep the cold beer in the fridge for another year and hold off on booking the beach vacation. Lance at 30 could beat anyone in the world. He’s going back in time and the difference, as Tom would tell you, will be Night and Day.
Tom cruise you are the sexiest man in the whole world. You’re my best actor and my idol. Guess what, my mom is your number 1 fan nor am I. Stay as you are. Do not change your look.