Rapper sponsor supports Contador. Dre down with Spaniard.

20120219-084443.jpg

“Dre creep to the mic like a phantom.” Snoop Dog from the Chronic.

While Bjarne Riis and his Saxo Bank sponsors have been vocal in their continued support of superstar Alberto contador despite his guilty verdict from the Court for Arbitration in Sports, perhaps nobody has been as vocal as American rapper and producer Dr. Dre.

“That’s my boy, the Pistolero mutha%$#&,” said Dre. “Some shit ass suits in Switzerland ain’t shutting down my man Alberto. Them lawyers don’t know nuthin’ ’bout drugs like I do. My man is clean and white as stolen Nikes.”

Contador, now serving a six-month retroactive 2 year suspension for an infinitesimal amount of clenbuterol detected by a German anti-doping lab that no other lab in the universe could detect, was pleased by the support from Dre.

“Doctor Dre and also Snoop Dog have emailed me their full support. It is gratifying to know that my fans around the world are behind me. But a sponsor like Dr. Dre is a true friend. Perhaps in the next month I can visit Dre, I would one to share my paella recipe with him. Pinto is a sister city with Compton.”

For the last year the Spaniard has been wearing the high price signature Beats headphones popular with white teen boys trying to act ghetto. His brother Fran signed a deal with Dre in August 2010 after Contador’s third Tour de France win in 2010 — the same victory that has now been given to runner-up ANdy Schleck.

“That shit stinks,” said Dre from a recording studio in West Hollywood where he was laying down tracks for his new release entitled Crack Ass Hos Do Oragami. “Andy Schleck makes me sick with that pale Boy Scout bullshit. Ohh, he likes to party? My ass. Alberto got more rhythm than that dude ever gonna have.”

Like financial sponsor Saxo Bank, Dre Dre has pledged his full support for the embattled Contador despite the loss of the Tour title and several other high profile wins. “I could give a f%#&@ about the UCI points, know what I’m saying? My boy gonna come back in the Vuelta and cap those mutha&#@%s. Matter of fact, I like that he’s down with drugs. That’s my peeps.”

Dre reserved much of his criticism for UCI president Patruck McQuaid. “That sad ass Irishman makes me laugh. I would cap him just for for general principles. He’s all puffy and red in the face. My bitch could take him out.”

Andy Shcleck refused comment of the diss from Dre Dre but a spokesman for the RadioSHack-Nissan Trek rider said his already has a really good sponsorship deal with sennheiser headphones.

Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email
  • NWSM

    Dear Matt Walsh,

    You're a fucking moron and this article is borderline racist. You've shown poor judgement in your silly attempt at humor.

    • Hey HYSM, usually I am so mature and easy going and you know–wise — because I\’m in my 50\’s — that I don\’t need to belittle your sense of humor or irony or life philosophy. Tempting and fun to rip on somebody but I won\’t. Twisted Spoke takes an entertaining and unique look at the world of pro bike racing. If humor is not your thing, stick with cyclingnews. They take themselves very seriously and maybe you do, too. Keep reading if you like something different from the other 50 cycling news websites. I also write serious and fun stuff for Cycle Sport magazine. Then again, they may be too crazy for ya. If your world is small and you like it that way, then enjoy. Matt

  • Higgins

    Suggesting Shrek would be sponsored by Sennhieser ? You racist git…next you will be reporting that Greipel looks German and has big thighs.

    On theme, Contador looks so delicate that if he put those things on his head they would crush his skull. Maybe he should eat more red meat // oops

    • Higgins, why are worked up? Just roll with the humor. Who else is writing this stuff? Matt

  • Higgins

    Not sure if my post read the way it meant to…i was trying to be ironic, sorry if I sounded annoyed – I thought the original article was hilarious and NWSM needs a lobotomy.

    • No worries, Higgins. You're a regular, regular readers get extra slack. Matt