There’s what Tour de France rival Richie Porte publicly says about Chris Froome’s salbutamol debacle and what he’s privately thinking. Fortunately, Twisted Spoke has an amateur mind-reader on staff. Here’s what we imagine is going through his mind.
SAYING: “There is not really much you can say at the moment. Whatever you say, you can’t win. It is big shame.” THINKING: “Hot damn! My number one rival is totally hosed. I got the Tour all to myself. Hand me that maillot jaune, baby.”
SAYING: “I heard the news and I was in massive shock.” THINKING: Party!!!! This is the best news since I busted out of Sky. Shocked? Ha, try thrilled. I’m over the moon!!!!”
SAYING: “Let’s see what happens. Let it all run its course.” THINKING: “Can’t wait to see the UCI bust Froomey. Ain’t no way Sky and their lawyers are going to fool those experts. Brailsford must be crapping his pants.”
SAYING: “I am flabbergasted as you guys are too. Let’s see what happens.” THINKING: “Hmmm, six month ban, nine months? Stick the Pinarello in the garage — you won’t be needing it for a while, mate.”
SAYING: “I do have respect. He is a good friend and we were teammates for a long time.” THINKING: LMAO, yeah, about as much respect as he showed me in the Critérium du Dauphiné. Bye, bye, Chris. Enjoy UCI-enforced vacation.”
SAYING: “It is only natural you are going to ask the questions but I’d probably rather not say too much.” THINKING: I don’t need to say a damn thing. The entire world of cycling has already said plenty. Gonna be misery in Monaco.”
SAYING: “I have the utmost confidence that Chris followed the medical guidance in managing his asthma symptoms, staying within the permissible dose for salbutamol.” THINKING: “Puff, puff, puff — your chances of winning this year’s Tour de France just vaporized.”
Is this what Richie Porte is really thinking? No idea. But it sure is fun to think about, right?