Porte on Froome & salbutamol. Mind-reader version

Richie on Froomey

There’s what Tour de France rival Richie Porte publicly says about Chris Froome’s salbutamol debacle and what he’s privately thinking. Fortunately, Twisted Spoke has an amateur mind-reader on staff. Here’s what we imagine is going through his mind.

SAYING: “There is not really much you can say at the moment. Whatever you say, you can’t win. It is big shame.” THINKING: “Hot damn! My number one rival is totally hosed. I got the Tour all to myself. Hand me that maillot jaune, baby.”

SAYING: “I heard the news and I was in massive shock.” THINKING: Party!!!! This is the best news since I busted out of Sky. Shocked? Ha, try thrilled. I’m over the moon!!!!”

SAYING: “Let’s see what happens. Let it all run its course.” THINKING: “Can’t wait to see the UCI bust Froomey. Ain’t no way Sky and their lawyers are going to fool those experts. Brailsford must be crapping his pants.”

SAYING: “I am flabbergasted as you guys are too. Let’s see what happens.” THINKING: “Hmmm, six month ban, nine months? Stick the Pinarello in the garage — you won’t be needing it for a while, mate.”

SAYING: “I do have respect. He is a good friend and we were teammates for a long time.” THINKING: LMAO, yeah, about as much respect as he showed me in the Critérium du Dauphiné. Bye, bye, Chris. Enjoy UCI-enforced vacation.”

SAYING: “It is only natural you are going to ask the questions but I’d probably rather not say too much.” THINKING: I don’t need to say a damn thing. The entire world of cycling has already said plenty. Gonna be misery in Monaco.”

SAYING: “I have the utmost confidence that Chris followed the medical guidance in managing his asthma symptoms, staying within the permissible dose for salbutamol.” THINKING: “Puff, puff, puff — your chances of winning this year’s Tour de France just vaporized.”

Is this what Richie Porte is really thinking? No idea. But it sure is fun to think about, right?

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