News from the year 2055. CAS delays Valverde ruling again.

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Alejandro Valverde, age 75

Alejandro Valverde, the famous and long retired Spanish cyclist, expressed surprise today that The Court for Arbitration in Sport had delayed his CONI hearing yet again. The latest delay, the 178th, was issued without explanation.

The court is still trying to resolve the issue surrounding Valverde’s alleged involvement in the Operacion Puerto doping scandal that occurred back in May, 2006.

“I’ve been retired for 40 years. What’s the point? I haven’t raced in eons,” said Valverde. Several judges and attorneys have died waiting to rule on the long-delayed case. Efforts to reach a conclusion have also be stymied by the evidence drying up. Blood bags believed to be from Valverde have crusted over and the blood has mostly evaporated.

When reached for comment, Patrick McQuaid, the UCI president at the time, had no recollection of the once high profile case that was the source of much embarrassment for professional cycling. “I don’t remember a thing. I do remember CAS. Worthless people,” he said.

A spokesman for CAS declined to offer any explanation for the 45 years of delays, saying only that “we’re moving as fast as we can and hope to have this settled soon.”

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