Hague war crimes commission rules against UCI.

Hague court rules in favor of Tygart.

In a stinging rebuke to UCI President Patrick’s McQuaid’s attempt to take over control of the USADA doping investigation of Lance Armstrong, the International Criminal Court in the Hague has ruled against the UCI’s plan.

Normally, the Hague court confines its rulings to crimes against humanity, but in an extraordinary session on Friday, the court quashed the UCI request to overrule the USADA.

“We are not saying that Mr. McQuaid is a war criminal — far from it,” said Alvaro Joko, a spokesman for the court. “He is a buffoon but a dangerous one. We find his track record of lies and unethical behavior to be offensive to a world that cries out for justice and honesty.”

In a unanimous ruling, the Hague court issued a denunciation of McQuaid’s actions. “The fox must be stopped at all costs,” said Joko. The fox reference is from a letter sent to the UCI by USADA lawyer William Bock in which he argues that allowing the UCI jurisdiction in the Armstrong case would be akin to ‘the fox guarding the henhouse.’

“We have dealt with animals before,” said Joko. “For example, former Serb commander Ratko Mladic. Again, we are not saying Mr. McQuaid is a fox or a jackal or even a mean-tempered hamster, we simply say, enough with the corruption.”

The USADA and CEO Travis Tygart have refused all comment on the Hague ruling other than an unnamed spokesman saying “things just get crazier and crazier but that’s what happens when drugs are involved.”

The Hague court will have nothing further to do with the UCI-USADA battle. “We must get back to more fundamental atrocities,” said Joko. “We had a few hours of down time between cases, so we thought we could deliver an extra ruling. But now we must end impunity for the perpetrators of the most serious crimes of concern to the international community.”

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  • LauraLyn

    LA’s next amazing ride:

    First stop: USADA
    Second stop: US fraud and corruption convictions against LA & LiveStrong
    Third stop: The Hague

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com walshworld

      SOunds like a long ride. I’d recommend an electric bike. Matt

  • pandak

    Travis Tygart you are a cunt.