Frank “I Did Not Dope” Schleck ready for TDU.

Frank back.

Frank back.

Frank is anxious to turn the page, not dwell on the past, not rehash old events and besides his younger brother Andy needs him to help win the Tour de France! Band of Brothers, all for one, Down With Chris Froome, next stop podium in gay Paree!

Nevertheless, Frank wants to make sure that everyone in the world knows he did not dope. Its become a running joke, a punchline in every public statement, interview and press conference.

To be clear, and make no mistake, and let there be no gray area or momentary confusion or lingering doubts. Frank Schleck did not dope, folks. So we’re here to help amplify the word for Frank by reworking his latest quotes from Australia as he gets ready for his season kick-off.

Doping is a dirty business and trying to clean an innocent rider’s name requires extra scrubbing to re-establish a reputation. So let’s get to the job with our helpful additions in italics.

“We have passed that stage now. We have turned the page and I did not dope, said Schleck from the Adelaide Airport. (Ask the flight attendants — everyone knows I am not a doper.)

“We are focused on the season. I’m ready, I’m willing. I’m very very proud to start in Australia, I have heard a lot of good things about it and by the way I’m very proud to say I did not dope.”

“But I kept motivated. I was ready to race, it’s my passion and did I mention I did not dope? Repeating this statement is also a passion of mine.”

“And it’s good to know that I didn’t do anything wrong (because I did not dope) and that has been accepted by WADA and UCI (who understand I would never dope.)

“As I said, we have passed that stage (meaning the doping that I did not do) and now we’re talking about racing (which is more fun than doping and there are no suspensions) and we look forward.”

“I have been training hard, I did a lot of work,” he said. “And while I was doing that work, rest assured, I was not doping.”

“I want to be competitive (without doping, of course!) … I’m not saying that I want to win. I know that I’m fit, I have done my homework during the whole year. Now, let’s get it started. (Not with doping because that is something I never started.)

“It’s going to take me a couple of days to climb back in the peloton (they know I was not doping) and get used to the stress and just squeeze out your elbows and let’s rumble, start fighting a little bit. (Not fighting the UCI or WADA because as previously stated, I did not dope.)

“But it’s going to be fine. It’s not like I’m useless handling a bike. (However, Doping is useless and please be careful with those dieting substances.)

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