Contador’s retirement threat and future career options.

Threats are only successful if people believe them.

Thus Alberto Contador’s threat to retire from the sport of professional cycling carries no weight. Does anyone truly believe Alberto will throw his Specialized in the garage, slam the door and quit the sport forever?

When dealing with the Contador retirement threat, Twisted Spoke thinks it’s useful to ask the logical follow-up question: “And do what?” The man has no plans for Life After Bike.

Hmm, what other employable skills does the three time — no, sorry, make that two time winner of the Tour de France — have to secure himself gainful employment after self-ejection from pro cycling?

Well, let’s see, Alberto dropped out of school at the age of 16 without having finished his Bachillerato. So we’re going to cross off the possible occupations of doctor, lawyer, astro-physicist or molecular biologist and, actually, any profession that requires an advanced degree.

Okay, well, that now takes us in another direction, into the trades — things like electrician, plumber, carpenter, cable internet installer, pizza delivery man. Here again, we have a thorny issue not related to the lack of a degree –there’s a drug charge on Alberto’s record. Most employers frown on drug usage — even in Spain, even from a former pro cyclist.

Finches sell like crazy.

Okay, this is no small task finding a suitable job for Alberto. But what other employment clues can we work with here for the young man from Pinto?

Without any real intellectual horsepower or advanced degrees, perhaps we should focus on Alberto’s hobbies. Apparently the Spaniard has a fascination with birds and has even bred canaries and goldfinches.

Now we’re getting somewhere, a plan crystallizes and a new dream becomes an exiting possibility. Alberto Contador, pet shop owner. We’re feeling the creative juices flow: why not Pistolero’s Pets or The Birdman of Madrid?

The fact is, Saxo Bank manager Bjarne Riis might not be too busy himself with no Alberto and half a team. Who wouldn’t buy a budgie, cockatoo or Indian Ringneck from Berto & Bjarne’s Birds?

Macaws make money.

This is the kind of challenge Alberto Contador needs and a quick study at eHow will explain how to operate a pet store. Our salary data is only from 2006, but estimates indicate the average salary for small business owners was $233,600. That’s plenty of bird feed, my friends.

A word of advice to Alberto Contador. If you’re gonna toss out the retire forever threat, put some teeth in it. Warn the UCI and WADA in no uncertain terms: you’re opening a pet shop.