Cavendish wins in Romandie, says critics don’t know Jack.

Cavendish knows Jack.

In the stage two sprint at the Tour of Romandie, Mark Cavendish hammered Danilo Hondo (Lampre), Robbie Hunter and hundreds of his critics. He celebrated his second win of the season with not one, but two gestures. The classic and universal “up yours” followed by two fingers to mark his second victory.

The Manxman claimed he was sending “a message to commentators and journalists who don’t know jack shit about cycling,” for writing him off. Whoa there, pal, let’s not jump to conclusions about that. Twisted Spoke is fully cognizant of who Jack Shit is. There is this thing called Google, after all.

I quote: “Jack is the son of Awe Shit and O. Shit. Awe Shit, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Shit, the owner of Needeep N. Shit Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Shit married Noe Shit, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Shit, Fulla Shit, Giva Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins: Deap Shit and Dip Shit. Against her parents’ objections, Deap Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school drop out.”

Sorry about that kids but we had to clear that up. News is news and Cavendish selected the subject matter. And just to be precise, we also know his French cousin Jacques Merde, who is sometimes invoked in this, the French speaking part of Switzerland.

Once Cavendish unloaded he was then able to relax and provide G answers to regular questions, like his form. “It was good to win here. My form is getting better. The team did a great job,” said Cav. “Today, I proved that I have never lost my talent, contrary what has been said or written.”

Twisted Spoke has never once suggested that the HTC-Columbia riders lost his talent, just a molar or two.  He also lost the respect of Andre Greipel but that’s not something he’s torn up about. Nope, nobody has more fast twitch fibers than Cavendish. In fact, even his mouth is loaded with them — the man just can’t stop  firing the shots.

He’s the total package in a sprinter: fast legs, quick tongue, hot head, best friend of Jack.

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  • Johnny Masury

    Mark 'Up yours' Cavendish is becoming a world class role model for all the young kids out there. I wonder if he will come out with another autobiography? He already has the title. ‘Up Yours Jack’.