Geraint Thomas won the Tour de France. It’s insane, his life is going to change, forces of people will accost him at every moment. But fear not. Former Tour winner Bradley Wiggins has some sure-fire steps for avoiding all those annoying people.
Never walk down the street without sunglasses and a wig.
Never wear a Sky track suit to the grocery store.
Do not ever wear anything with the color yellow — it’s a sure tip-off to strangers.
Snarl “piss off, bloody wanker” to anyone who comes near — unless it’s the Queen and she wants to knight you — then be nice and bow a lot.
Draw the curtains of the house or apartment.
Always use the service elevator.
Stay away from journalists and especially bloggers — they’re vermin.
Tint the windows of your car.
When out riding, put on an old Kelme jersey to throw people off the scent.
Wear sunglasses over top of your Oakley’s — you can’t be too careful!!!!
Get yourself a fake ID.
Talk to British secret service about a safe house in Monaco.
See about buying on of those invisibility cloaks.
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