Armstrong takes fifth in Luxembourg regains MTAW crown.

Lance is the MTAW.

With Alejandro Valverde now cooling his cleats thanks to a two year world wide ban for doping, Lance Armstrong now reclaims the coveted MTAW title. As defined by the Boulder Report’s Joe Lindsey, the MTAW is short for Most Tested Athlete in the World.

The UCI reacted almost immediately to the shift in ownership by showing up first thing Wednesday morning for a doping test at Armstrong’s hotel in Luxembourg. “Knock, knock. UCI anti-doping control. I will be found positive for one helluva deep sleep last night,” said Lance, happy to have reclaimed his crown.

The cycling superhero went on to take 5th place in the Tour of Luxembourg prologue time trial. His time was a hair (not used for DNA testing) over 9 seconds from the winning clock stoppage of Jimmy Engoulvent (Saur-Sojasun). Fellow Shack rider, Grégory Rast took third and was not tested, poked or prodded in any official manner. What the podium girls do is their business and beyond the strict confines of UCI testing procedures.

The MTAW title is largely ceremonial but confers on the rider the right to answer all doping allegations with the blanket statement, “Look, how could I dope, I’m the most tested athlete in the world.”