Cav wins another shit small race.
Let’s just get our race hierarchy right so hang on a sec. Tour de France, maybe Giro d’Italia, Milan San Remo, Tour of Qatar on deserted sandy road ….
Something like that and then there’s the Tour of Turkey — with is a surprisingly beautiful country with a bike race with sprints and UCI points and Mark Cavendish and Andre Greipel in attendance.
Ahh, once upon a time and how times have changed. In the pre-Marcel Kittel days, King Cav used to dismiss his rivals — Tyler Farrar, really, seriously? — Peter Sagan, really, are you kidding?
But nobody came in for more inventive and abuse than former HTC-Columbia teammate and later sprint rival Andre Greipel. While Sir Manxman was racking up multiple three to five wins per Tour de France, Greipel was at home taking his kids to the zoo — yes, true story — or off the cycling radar at some low profile invisible race.
Or as Cav dismissively put it, those “shit small races” by which he meant very clearly the Tour of Turkey. But the planet spins a few thousand revolutions, sprint trains dissolve, Marcel Kittel takes over the Tour de France and Cavendish sucks wheel at the back at Milan San Remo and suddenly his Etixx-Quickstep contract is up this year and well, Tour of Turkey, hot damn!
What a fab big-ass race!!!!
Mark Cavendish has won the first two stages and his massive thighed rival Greipel isn’t even near the podium. Shit small performances for the German and contract accelerating wins for Cav. The Tour of Turkey is just what he needs — a confidence boost with Kittel nowhere to be seen, sick, building form, fixing hair, looking toward France.
As the teen boys and girls say, whatevs. Surely there’s a bad reality TV show we can suck up. Turkey, narcolepsy.
In any case, it’s doubtful Mark Cavendish will ever call the Tour of Turkey a shit small race or even a dry, disappointing sandwich ever again.
Turkey is good for Cav, he and his semi train, his Renshaw plus Friends, is doing just fine. Ain’t nobody about to mess with the Bulldog and the Manxman and Greipel’s vaunted train has done all of jack shit.
Feel for the Gorilla for a moment, willya? He and Cav are back on speaking terms, mutual respect, yada yada. Still sprinters have egos like hamburgers come with French fries. Just the way life rolls.
You can be sure that come contract time, team boss Patrick Lefevere will rightly call a few wins at the Tour of Turkey a shit race result. If the Tour de France and Cav versus Kittel turns out to be another Kittel debacle then Turkey won’t mean squat. Still, yeah, chapeau of sorts, American high five, fist bump, whatever.
Turkey is nice and a stage win for Cavendish in the upcoming Tour of California — he’s the Pistachio celebrity presenter — will drive the crowd nuts. But so what? Nothing matters now but France where the cheese is runny and the wine spectacular and the bike race sublime.