Trek plans a major announcement on Wednesday but Twisted Spoke has some insider intel on what the big news might be.
Chris Horner, at age 43 and with terminally messed up lungs due to superbug caused by gobbling antibiotics, returns to Trek and talks up winning the Vuelta again.
Fabian Cancellara gets a sex change like Bruce Jenner — now Caitlyn Marie Jenner. Fabian becomes Fabianna and Spartacus changes to Sparta-girly.
Trek announces a new racing frame to replace the Madone — the Madonna, a plusher rig that honors the aging pop singer and former Erotica gal. Slogan is go “deeper and deeper and deeper.”
Johan Bruyneel comes back to the fold, pushes out current team manager Luca Guercilena and immediately announces that Frank Schleck will win the 2016 Tour de France.
Mellow Johnny’s resumes stocking Trek bikes, reversing course after Lance Armstrong got mad at his former bike sponsor for dropping him in light of doping admissions.
Trek moves the company from Madison to Messina, Italy, just because it sounds cooler than being from Wisconsin.
Brand evangelist and former Trek Factory bike racer Jens Voigt announces he has bought a controlling interest in the company is is renaming it Jensie Bikes.
Ostracized during the dark and nasty Astmtrong years for his outspoken critique of the Boss, Lemond and Trek ink a new deal that brings his company back in the Trek family.