The thought alone nearly gave Giro organizer and creative genius Angelo Zomegnan a heart attack.
Crazy Z, as we like to call him, is the man who singlehandedly brings drama and spectacle to cycling: hot podium girls, sexy presentations and bold, paradigm-smacking race ideas. Witness his proposal for a Washington D.C. Giro start– it’s just another example of his restless vision.
But his main vision is beautiful Italian girls on podiums kissing winners and enjoying the sexy spray of champagne. So when Marco de Goede suggested that the Giro stages in the Netherlands should have men or drag queens replacing the Italian babes in tight dresses, Zomegnan put his foot down hard.
“We’ll decide the podium girls. The winner of the prologue of the next Giro will be celebrated on the podium in Amsterdam by two girls chosen by the race organizers of the ‘Corsa Rosa’,” Zomegnan told the Italian La Stampa newspaper.
Damn Amsterdam. A drag queen on the podium of Zomegnan’s beloved Giro? He’d rather cancel the entire three week race. Local TV stations and AT5 RTV Noord-Holland had organized their own competition to select podium presenters, but Zomegnan was having none of that.
“I don’t know anything about the competition, it’s not been authorized by us. However the girls will be Italian and we’ll bring them from Italy. This whole thing is not a problem.”
That message was loud and clear: do not mess with my sexy girls. I will truck my hot latin babes into the Netherlands and that is that.
It may be that Angelo does not fully grasp the creative and sexy possibilities of the podium drag queen. Didn’t he ever watch those wacky Fellini films, hasn’t he ever been to Carnival in Florence, doesn’t he get the over-the-top excess of Italian opera? We say Angelo, check out the Drag Queen Olympics website and reconsider the inherent naught spice.
This whole thing has gotten out of hand and crazy Z will probably bring back his mega-babe to restore order: Dutch actress Yolanthe Cabau van Kasbergen. The lovely Yolanthe oozes sexuality and is the official Giro “miss” of this year’s tour.
Twisted Spoke suspects that Zomegnan is just a little unhinged by all this crazy podium man talk. He has nightmares, he wakes up in a cold sweat thinking about men with hairy chests and campy, outlandish costumes kissing stage winners. As Colonel Kurtz said in Apocalypse Now, “the horror, the horror.”
Crazy Z will not let that happen, not on his Giro watch. He’s going to make triple sure no drag queens or transvestites slip into his camp.
Angelo will now perform a full physical inspection of all his potential podium babes before heading to the Netherlands. He’s going to establish beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re Italian, they’re female and they’re sexy. Tests to begin immediately at Zomegnan’s country vacation home.